You Are The Driver

Traffic Story Time!

You’re driving that same old way to work, soon the road will fork, as you begin to merge. Worries start to flood, will the other drivers let me in? This part of the drive is so hectic, but it’s the fastest route! Lanes are backed up; red lights glare all around. Frantic you press buttons on the stereo while seeing if another driver is granting you a space. Ads blare into your ear, you had forgotten the speakers on high after thrashing a favorite song yesterday. Fumbling for the sound control, while trying to poke your car in the gap provided. You avoid eye contact with the driver who you are trying to merge in front of. This is my spot, and you will let me in! Finally, bling-bling-bling the traffic report! Four car pile-up on the motorway, this one is a doozy – three-lane closure expect a 45-minute delay.

Does any of this relate?

What are we looking at here?

Given the above story blurb, it’s just another day in hectic traffic, right?

Wrong! There’s much going on for this driver. Speakers turned up from the day before. Why did they get out of the car and not turn the speakers down? What kind of hurry were they in? Why do they continue to travel on this fastest route if it’s known to create heightened stress?

Psychologists define self-awareness as a tool to understand the hidden or even invisible qualities of the self. With a bit of self-awareness, this panic-induced-stressed-out driver could consider many alternative routes of travel.

What prevents change?

It’s been stated for years the theories, ideas, and quotes on how to change the things you don’t like.

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

Mahatma Gandhi

If you always do what you’ve always done you’ll always get what you’ve always got.

Henry Ford

The price of doing the same old thing is far higher than the price of change.

Bill Clinton

I prefer to word it this way. If you want change to occur, great you are in the driver’s seat! Now let’s go!

But!

What if a person desires change yet is unsure where to start? That sounds like a stuck scenario.

Maybe most things in a person’s day-to-day are quite okay and relatively smooth going. Is there really any need to change?

Yes! Adaptability is a way to build resilience, and with greater resilience, situations that previously seemed hard, uncontrollable, or stressful are now fun adventures.

It Is All To Do With The Mindset

When I left the abusive marriage, I was stuck. Ultimately, my mind was stuck possibly at the early age of mid-20’s. Not that my body was this age, but it was almost as though the brain fog from the emotional and psychological abuse, tore down my hunger for knowledge and my brain reverted to a younger age. Think of a restore point on a computer. I felt as though many times I was hitting that “restore” button and in turn losing much of myself in the process.

No wonder I didn’t know what to do.

With the help of a fantastic therapist, I was guided into realizing I am not crazy, I am not a victim (while yes a victim of DV, I had the power to change my story), and I am not going to continue letting the abuser or anyone else treat me in those ways again. I highly recommend the support of a therapist! Here’s what others along my journey have said (and they’ve been through some horrific events!)

“I thought about counseling, but I didn’t want to relive the events, I got too scared. Yet seeing your recovery and story I think I should go find a therapist.” (DV peer)

“It is so expensive, I’ve managed all this time. But it would be nice to unload to someone, especially if they can help me to stop feeling crazy. Can you give me the number of your therapist?” (DV peer)

Absolutely! It’s never too late to see a therapist – they can be the key to unlocking some of the core reasons why you operate how you do. Then you will have the keys to choose how you will operate moving forwards.

Remember: you are in the driver’s seat and if you don’t like the passenger telling you how to drive, do something about it.

https://giphy.com/clips/thefastsaga-fast-and-furious-2-WsjDMnOwIpFaZnJ82f

Perhaps don’t kick out passengers as drastically as Roman Pearce (Above link for 2 Fast 2 Furious clip played by Tyrese Gibson) but the point is genius!

Reference:

Psychology Today. Tchiki Davis, Ph.D. (2019). What Is Self-Awareness, and How Do You Get It? | Psychology Today.