Intentions, Expectations, Projections. I’d Rather Action!

What Was Stopping Me?

Labels, definitions, and others answering for me.

Growing up I was very shy and introverted. Did this mean I couldn’t talk? No, I just didn’t always feel it was safe to talk.
Did it mean I wanted to be left out of social activities? No, I just didn’t feel like voicing my opinion, when often I was the youngest and received ridicule or criticism. So instead, friends and some family assumed how my actions should be. And I often went along with it.

Why Go Along?

Cause 1: I was labeled as the ‘goodie two shoes’ and ‘good Christian girl’ most of my life. I had a dark past that I couldn’t speak of as these labels were too loud.

Cause 2: Expectations from the previous generations showed me what I was meant to do with my life and how to live it. What things I can do to ensure a good life or a bad life. These expectations were heavy and did not provide the guidance needed.

Result: Attempting to live a worthwhile life according to how others expected and perceived. Like a bowling ball with the bumpers up, I cautiously traveled against the rules and expectations of Cause 1 and 2. Feeling and knowing I needed to study, I needed to get a job, I needed to get married, I needed to have kids. Is peer pressure affecting me? You betchya!

I wasn’t living up to what I BELIEVED I COULD DO. I only had the intentions.

Projection Is Not Action.

Did you know there is a powerful, sly, deceptive way to get other people to do what you desire? It comes from Projection.

Projection is a psychological word meaning: to push ideas, desires, and negativity onto another person as a form of justification, to protect self from vulnerability, discomfort, and conflict, as a form of irresponsibility where the other party takes on said qualities.
(Refer to the link at the end of this post to find out more about projection.)

Intentions without actions are useless. Now along comes an evil mindset that can convince action into others through deceptive work. This is a form of psychological abuse. Some may have experienced this through selfish people, others through narcissistic people, and some again through their own abuse sufferings.

Psychological abuse is a coercive nature. I rather think of it as corrosive. Once a confident young adult turned into an exhausted, debilitated, confused, constantly second-guessing individual. Once the abuser can take this level of control, pushing ideas through projection is as easy as eating toxic soup.

How To Make It Stop?

When you are alone with an abuser it is very hard to get it to ‘just stop.’

There are many mental/psychological, and emotional reasons to justify what is happening.

For anyone reading this who has not been through a Domestic Violence situation personally, please do not judge your friend, or your family member who is caught up in one. It is extremely difficult to cope and opinions such as “Just leave” or “You’ll be okay others are surely going through worse” are not helpful.

Referring to scripture it states in James 2:16 [CEV]
You shouldn’t just say, “I hope all goes well for you. I hope you will be warm and have plenty to eat.” What good is it to say this, unless you do something to help?

In my situation, I was already experiencing brain fog, I felt crazy, I felt misunderstood, and no one believed me. There were some peers I could talk to. But one night made everything so much clearer. The abuser relayed an event of their driving to my Father. In the story, there were many parts that were completely different from when the story was told to me earlier the same day. Upon questioning these differences in the same earshot where my Father still was, the abuser lost their public persona.

I remember seeing a complete change of expression and I felt scared. I did everything I could that night to avoid going home, without seeming completely crazy.

Slingshot Yourself!

When the abuser wasn’t around, I had moments to think deeply and excavate myself from the layers of rubble and defeat. One day, feeling as broken as the saucepan lid on the kitchen floor, I wept as I remembered being the girl who did not care what others thought of me, and I stood strong in my personal faith and ability. Now I needed to do this again. Not just as a mindset but in full action.

Sweeping the glass shards, some were caught in the corner. That corner spoke to me. No matter how many times the brush tried to scoop the broken shards from the corner they wouldn’t come. I was the broken glass in the corner, and the abuser was the brush trying to poke at me. Being pushed against not only one wall but two, I realized the strength of the walls, and if I was to push against this strength it could launch me from the corner and over yonder. Just like a slingshot.

This is when I realized, I needed to voice what was happening even if it made me look crazy I needed to know what people would be my walls of strength and help to propel me out of there.

The slingshot became my tool for action.

I urge you to find your walls (your supports) and pillars of strength. Consider all they do for you, their values and merit.

If you are in a current DV situation, please contact the local authorities/police. They are your walls of protection when no one else is available.

Get out of the corner and fly towards your future, your freedom.

Reference:
Psychology Today. 2023. Projection. Projection | Psychology Today