In continuing our traffic series this post will sum up the ideas of traffic lights covered over the recent weeks, with an interesting twist. To date we have covered: red light means stop, yellow light reminds us to pause, and green light tells us to go. To Move FWDS, we use the metaphor of the traffic lights to connect with human behavior. Now let’s make the traffic lights talk.
While researching for relevant facts and articles about those posts mentioned above. An interesting result of traffic light usage in Europe was found, during the COVID-19 pandemic. Europe used the green, yellow/amber, and red light to communicate covid rates in areas. What an amazing and innovative method! We’ll discover more about this and how traffic lights talk below, with their purpose, problems and how we could connect it to human behavior.
Traffic Light Talk: Red Light Meaning Covid Conditions
The red light was a way to show others how infected an area was. It may have more than 50 new infections per 100,000 people. And potentially growing numbers at that! If you went to an area of red traffic lights, you would know the area is highly infected and you should get out while you still can! The test-positive rate needed to be above 4% for the red zone.
Graphs and news updates would also show the European countries with high infection rates as red zones. Traffic light talk was connected to these equally matched color zones for clarity.
Traffic Light Talk: Yellow Light Meaning Covid Conditions
If new infection rates remained between 25 and 50 cases per 100,000 people the traffic lights would show the yellow or amber tone. With the test-positive rate being below 4%. Not exactly a safe zone, but you may be safer in a yellow zone, than a red zone.
Traffic Light Talk: Green Light Meaning Covid Conditions
Lastly, if the infection rates were less than 25 cases per 100,000 people the traffic lights would show the green light. The test-positive rate would be less than 4% just as in the yellow zone.
This innovative European idea worked for talking about COVID hot spots and safe zones. The entire movement was a voluntary action. Only IF countries wanted to opt in, they could.
A new risk forms with the unclearness of whether an entire zone is safe or not.
This type of communication can be used in general human behavior.
Traffic Light Talk in life
We’ve just covered how traffic lights can be used as a way to communicate a level of safety. Now we can use the same principles in our personal and professional, even in our home situations. Take this following checklist as a coping measure. Not all the points will be relevant in the same sitting so use what is needed for the moment you are in. Recalibrate. Then move forwards.
A note to remember. Because you have gained awareness on what needs to change for yourself, you may even flag this to your closest family and friends. But take caution. Just as we saw above with every European country allowed to choose for themself in whether to take part in the traffic light talk, so too others can choose for themselves.
In hiking the speed of the team is determined by the slowest trekker. Just as in communication the best of the team is determined by the least conductive member. – The Mover: Mover FWDS
Checklist for Traffic Talk
RED / STOP
Stop what you are doing
Breathe
Look at something relaxing
YELLOW / WAIT or PAUSE
Take time to consider
Ask yourself what are you doing?
Is this sustainable in the long run?
Will these activities lead to burnout?
Is this the best financial situation?
What will happen if you don’t make the decision?
GREEN / GO
Move fwds, slowly
After assessing the yellow light, what small way can you start to move fwds?
Moving over lumps, bumps, twists, and bends, is still movement.
Want a visual of this checklist for yourself? Great! Check it out on the freebies page or click here.
Until next time! Stay safe. Stop, pause and then go as you need to in order to Move FWDS!
It’s been a while since I posted on this traffic series. Aware this post is the content for the green light traffic symbol and the power of go. Even my ever-bossy calendar kept reminding of the non-stop action we all (allegedly?) need to remain busy.
Today’s post will discuss the purpose of the green light, how it is used, and finally how it connects with human behavior. Now’s the time, use that green light let’s go!
Green Light Purpose
The universal green light has one meaning in traffic, and that is to go. Always check road safety signs and lights when travelling for personal safety. But for the most part USA, Australia, Europe, New Zealand is in agreement with the meaning green light let’s go!
Stay tuned for the next post were Europe created something truly unique and interesting with the traffic lights!
Green Light Usage
The green light is a way to help travellers cross from one road to another safely. Green lights are used for pedestrians, buses, cars, plus other modes of transportation or movement. For example, rollercoasters and similar rides will have a green light to indicate the ride can be boarded – for it is ready to go. Car wash stations will signal the driver to go forward to the point where the wash can begin, also to leave.
See the below pictures of different places you may have spotted some green lights to go moments.
We all know how to go, right? For the most part going towards our goals and moving forward is what each of us do every day. But not always. Sometimes we can struggle to get going. Those who’ve had surgery know all about the need to rest and inability to get going. Even to the toilet! That minor trip can feel major.
Another place is anyone who has experienced any level of trauma or DV. Green light let’s go, can be a hard command! In my situation the fight/flight response which activated was freeze. Think of an emergency brake system. Even now many years since leaving the abuser, my body will force an emergency stop freeze when faced with certain triggers. Green light let’s go, is hard to do when the body is saying red light stop.
It is in those moments I practice the 3 deep breaths and tell myself to “GO”. A lifesaver to escape the triggering effect.
Some may also understand the ability to go is not an easy feat. Artists and creators can easily get stuck for ideas, content, or masterpieces. For fellow writers, this is known as Writers Block.
How To Add Some Green Light Let’s Go Into Your Life?
Take some advice from the traffic lights:
First stop and realize where you are at.
Next consider your options.
Finally, bring that green light – let’s go by taking a step forward.
Taking one tiny baby step, is still movement. The green light reminds you to go, the speed limit may be 60 miles an hour, but you are not expected to rise to 60 immediately. The car requires time, momentum, fuel, and various cogs and mechanics to start working. And, if it’s a truck that’s going to take even longer to get going!
In other words, be kind to yourself and consider the weight of your load, or of your decision. Taking a baby step forward is the exact momentum needed to cancel the previous stop or stuck point. To enact on a decision is an action. That action is shown by movement. Reach your decision, then use that green light let’s go!
For all the writers and creator friends out there, yes you have decided to create something, now do it. Even a scribble to a page, keep it and review later – you might have the basis of a new masterpiece! Writer friends spend time journalling. Friends who enjoy the outdoors, but haven’t been out for a bit, research some places you want to go. Print off the landscapes and scenes. Then set foot into the scenery around your home. Get a taste for adventure again. Whatever it is for you find your green light let’s go.
Print off a green light and add the mantra: Green Light – Let’s go! This stage has been done for you! Go to the freebies tab to get your own copy 🙂 Please do not reproduce or copy the images provided without permission. The images are for your own private usage.
Any one in traumatic or DV situations, your first step is to leave. Take your children, take yourself and leave. Before you ask, “and go where?” You will go to the police station.
As one who has gone before you, know this – I hear you, and I feel your situation and how insane and hard it sounds to go to the police. Surely this is madness, and you are just crazy, right? If that thought connects with you, then it is time to leave. You are not crazy, but an abuser can cause you to feel crazy. Get a reliable third-party objective (Police, Psychologist, or Doctor) on your situation, get the help you deserve! It’s green light – let’s go time!
In this traffic series, we have already covered a few topics such as the white and yellow boundaries, the use of roundabouts, and currently the traffic light signals. Last week was the red light which tells us to stop, and how this stop or pause can reflect in our own lives. Before we stop, we really need to think yellow and slow down!
To continue the traffic lights, this post will explore the purpose of the amber traffic light. This post will refer to amber or yellow as the color of the light interchangeably. The core theme is: Think yellow – slow down. The same link is true in everyday life, continue reading to discover how.
What is the Purpose of the Amber Traffic Light?
From the United States across the waters to many countries of Europe and down under to Australia, the purpose of the yellow traffic light is to give warning to drivers and help them to slow down. Then stop ready for the red light.
Feel free to read more about this for your own country by following these links: USA
No. An amber or yellow light serves as a caution telling you that very soon it will not be safe to cross the road. Many drivers believe they can push the pedal to the metal and zoom past that sucker of a yellow light. This is risky behavior as it can increase the likelihood of being fined!
There are some tricky moments to navigate when a light does turn amber. Here are a few:
You have just crossed the safe stopping line and the light changed to amber. So, you will need to go through the intersection. Why? Because you cannot stop in the middle of the intersection, and you were already headed through. The light changed and you were in the way. It’s kind of a bad-timing moment. Go through anyway – it will be okay!
You are a few feet (or meters) from the stop line and the light changes amber. Do you stop? Sometimes you might be able to – with screeching tires! But other times stopping may cause a crash. You need to look around, especially behind. Check that mirror and if your fellow driver is unfortunately riding on your bottom – or your boot, stopping might mean a hefty insurance bill. You have insurance, right?
Stop, Go, Stop, Go… What?
Imagine if the traffic lights were only red and green.
All the traffic is stopped, then suddenly you are required to go. Now you may be the 10th car in the line-up, and you are revving hopeful to make the green light then RED. What do you do?
Imagine the chaos on the roads if the lights were only red and green. The yellow light is the important space needed between the red and green. It is an important space for creating awareness to slow down and stop. And to give you the time to do so.
When you’re driving along and see that L plate what do you first think?
Perhaps – “Oh great, I’m going to be late for work.”
Why would you think that?
Because learner drivers are known for being slow.
Stay with me, why are they slow?
Because they are unsure and uncomfortable on the road. (Especially when starting out!) And for good reason. They are usually learning to drive with a freaked-out parent, in the parents’ car, gaining instructions that could be outdated. Beside that level of expectation and distraction, the learner driver is put in the seat of responsibility to get that heavy vehicle from point A to B.
But what makes the learner driver one of the best drivers on the road?
Their greater level of awareness.
And this is the purpose of the amber light. To give the driver awareness.
Are You Aware of Your Surroundings?
Think Yellow – Slow Down See Yellow – Slow Down
Are you always on the go? An active person with a busy lifestyle. A thousand things to do, and never enough hours. How many breaks do you allow in your day? When do you take a chance to slow down, relax, or unwind?
Perhaps, you are an anxious person. Unsure what is coming around the corner. Heart rate faster than the Porsche who drove by you. Maybe you think you are aware, but are you? Is that anxiety a true friend? (Having anxiety issues of my own, I don’t talk about anxiety lightly. It is no friend to have, and many things can trigger it. But awareness is required to become aware of your triggers!)
Perhaps you are a slow, decisive person. You think life is always flowing but all the lights are shades of amber. People cross your paths left, right, and center and you float on by.
Self-Awareness is the Key to Move Forwards
An amber light prepares you to stop.
Think of ways to include an amber light in your life to remind you to slow down and prepare to stop.
If you prefer to not take this advice, burnout or other health issues may be the result of not slowing down. Procrastination may be the result of not slowing down enough to gain the awareness needed.
Where can you set up warning signs in your own life, to gain awareness and slow down to safely stop?
In this latest series, we are covering traffic signs as the connector between life and human behavior.
The previous post covered the Give Way sign as a reminder to give respect to yourself and others.
For the next three weeks, we will review a very important, very visible sign, spotted everywhere from busy City Business Districts (CBDs) to rural and remote areas. This is the traffic light. You know these as the red, amber/yellow, and green (or in some cases blue) lights. In that order we will cover significant content for each light, to correlate with a behavior.
We will start with the red light. Covering what is it, does it differ in countries, and then moving to what the red light teaches in our human behavior.
What is the Purpose of the Red Traffic Light?
The short answer is to stop.
The medium answer is to forcefully stop one flow of traffic to allow another flow of traffic to start.
Does the Red Traffic Light’s Purpose Differ?
For the most part, no. The red traffic light is known as a stop sign across most parts of the world. The shape or look of the traffic light may differ. When you travel the onus is on you to learn the traffic rules for that country, state, or region.
Read more about traffic rules in the USA here, in Europe here, in Australia here. With the Australian link scroll down to find the state needed, then follow to the website suggested to learn the needed rules.
Much as we’ve covered with the soft and hard rules or you’ll remember the yellow or white boundary lines, the same is true with red lights. Although the meaning is to stop as a hard rule, the exception is once again to permit an emergency vehicle to pass.
So far, we’ve covered the purpose of the red traffic light and if it differs from country to region. We’ve discovered the red traffic light means to stop. Now we’ll continue to find out how this stop is relevant in everyday life.
Connecting the Red Traffic Light to Human Behavior
There are a few connections to make considering the red light stop meaning.
To take the stop literally, and stop for a moment in reality
To pause momentarily.
To breathe.
To defend your position or instruct warning of the boundary line.
1) To Stop Literally
Created by The Mover
Whatever you are doing, presumably at the moment you are reading this blog article. Now Stop!
That is how to take this post literally. Just come to a complete stop. Please continue to breathe!
Occasionally, you might spot others STOP literally. For example, older generations, have a clear direction and purpose then stop suddenly between rooms. Previously I’ve seen and heard of aging parents and grandparents say in these moments, “I don’t know whether I was going or coming from somewhere and where I was headed.” Sometimes we might laugh at this statement, and while the person has forgotten where they were headed, the fact remains they have stopped.
Stopping is a way to catch up with oneself.
Stopping is a way to clear the mind.
Stopping is something we all do, and not just in the traffic.
And for some of us, we stay stopped far longer than we care to admit! Another word for staying stopped is stuck. This links us to the next point. A stop for pause.
2) To Pause Momentarily
Designed by The Mover with thanks to Erik Mclean Unsplash Image
When you are in the traffic and the light turns red you are required to stop. It doesn’t matter if you are first in the lineup to stop, or if you’re just joining the group to stop. Everyone is required to stop. You cannot proceed because the car in front of you is stopped.
Likewise, when working on a group task when one person stops the momentum to follow is others stopping. Just like in the traffic.
When one person is stuck, it can cause a group of people to become stuck. The circumstances may differ, but the object remains. We as humans easily get stuck.
Now think about it, are you really stuck? Just because you were required to stop, does that automatically mean you are stuck?
No.
At the traffic lights, your car has come to a stop and you are holding it there with the brake. But what you are honestly doing is pausing. If you decide to pick your foot off the brake the car (depending on where it is sitting) will most likely move. So what is actually happening is you are holding your ground. You are pausing for effect. You are waiting.
This pause is something that happens in everyday life. We wait for the light to go green. We wait for others to catch up on the project, we wait for a delivery. We wait for the school bell to ring.
In the car, you might see people stop and start rummaging in the bag next to them. The car is stopped and complying yet the person is doing something. Some people might jam out their favorite song at a stop signal. Others might use the opportunity to call someone (thank goodness for voice assistance, am I right?)
The point is some things can continue even though one aspect of you is stopped, or paused.
And while you are stopped, it is a good chance to breathe more, allow the oxygen to invigorate your brain, and come up with a better plan.
When we stop, we allow the body to catch up. Much like I covered in the above point: To Stop Literally.
A common psychological practice given from young children through to adults is to stop and breathe. Typically when something is overwhelming your heart rate will increase, your stress will increase, and your ability to think well (rationally or logically) will decrease. To improve this reaction you need to stop and breathe.
There are many breathing exercises available and it’s important to find the one most suitable for your situation/or self.
A few of my favorites are the Triangle breathing. You inhale for 3 seconds, hold for 3 seconds, release for 3 seconds. Then repeat. Doing this for about a minute or 6-7 reps is a good amount of time to utterly slow down the anxiety-driven heart race.
Another method is to do 3 deep breaths and then move. My psychologist instructed this method as a means to help unlock my frozen feet from the floor when triggered by past traumas. He instructed me to practice breathing deeply 3 times in a row and telling myself to walk. (Yes, he also said practicing such a thing may feel silly, but it is very worthwhile). And, yes, I felt silly. But in the heat of the moment when the anxiety-driven heart race would begin after seeing or hearing a trigger the automatic effect from the 3 deep breaths forced my body to move.
I relate this in the same way to the emergency vehicle approaching a sea of stopped cars. The emergency vehicle MUST get through. And that sea of cars must start to move. The red light is telling the drivers what they MUST do, yet the emergency vehicle is overriding.
The traumatic trigger in your life may try to tell you what to do, and cause you to stop in fear. But the emergency air supply is coming in hard and fast to tell you how to move to safety.
This moves us to our final point, how stopping is a way to defend yourself.
4) Defend Yourself
Image thanks to Philippa Rose-Tite via Unsplash
Who here is a parent, guardian, or carer? What is the first thing you teach children to do to defend themselves from the attacks of others? Often the answer is to hold your hand up firmly with a strong arm and say STOP.
This body language effect shows and matches the words spoken.
I am telling you to stop, and you will not cross over me.
Sometimes we need a red light or a stop because something dangerous may lie ahead. Think on the road to the sharp corners where the guard rail is to stop cars from sweeping over the edge of the road to the canyon below. That guardrail and additional signage is essentially the firm hand-up stating STOP.
Purposeful Stopping
A friend of mine who suffered severe domestic violence said in her journey to overcome the stresses and fear. She found a disregarded old traffic sign at a market. Can you guess which traffic sign it was? Yep, that’s right, the STOP sign. She placed the sign in her kitchen as a constant reminder to STOP.
She found her mind often racing with fears and thoughts and her kitchen was the place of highest traffic in her home. Each time she entered the kitchen the huge stop sign reminded her to do just that: STOP.
As time went on, she found a way to reduce the anxiety and overwhelm and to live a happy life.
Try It This Week!
Find something to work as your red light to STOP you purposefully.
Previously we have covered the white and yellow boundary lines. These both serve as measures to know what you value. Also, these boundary lines help remind you and others of what actions are allowed or not allowed.
I hope you’ve had time to drive around and see the white and yellow lines of your area and perhaps even spot a few double lines. Further, I hope you have taken the time to reflect personally on how these double lines are double boundary gates for you and your connection with others.
The last post covered roundabouts. With roundabouts, you need to be aware of the most important lane for your journey as there are many exits. To exit means other cars possibly enter from a nearby section. But this is not always a smooth transition as it requires some indication and giving way.
Today we will cover the importance of the Give Way sign.
What does the Give Way sign look like?
Around the internet the Give Way sign is mostly the same from Europe to the USA and even to Australia and New Zealand. Feel free to read about more international traffic sign differences here. Refer to image below to see the sign.
Adobe Free Stock Images
What is the purpose of the Give Way sign?
The Give Way sign is often used when approaching a roundabout, or other intersections where the road requires you to slow down or even stop to allow other traffic to cross over your path.
The Give Way sign promotes safety on the road for all users. In many places, the sign above is one indicator, some signs also state: YIELD, and in most places, there are markings on the road. These markings look like short white lines only crossing the lane you are in. Refer to picture below. Notice how the short white lines mark the road in the T section and also for the roundabout.
For a more detailed review of Give Way signs go here.
How does the Give Way sign connect with life?
Now you have a basic understanding of the Give Way sign as a road user. How does the give way sign connect with life and moving forward? It sounds very much like giving other people get the go-ahead, while you have to momentarily pause. Is that really a move-forward action?
Yes, it is. We all need to pause from time to time.
If we all continued to run, flat out, without stopping we would:
Die – lack of nutrients, minerals, food, and water to sustain the body. Plus, the lack of sleep.
Burnout – even if you managed to eat and drink on the run, your body needs sleep.
Go in unnecessary circles and waste time. Most people do not know the entire drive of their journey to their destination.
Not know how to pause.
Become a selfish people and community.
The Give Way sign is Personal Respect
You give yourself respect by showing up for you and backing yourself.
You give yourself respect by feeding your body the right nutrients and minerals, and taking care of your health, and well-being, mentally and physically, and emotionally.
Yes, you pause for a moment to allow others to cross your path. Think of walking in a shopping center or a mall. Sometimes other people will cross over your path because they suddenly remember a shop on your side they wanted to visit. So, yes, momentarily you need to give the way to cross over you.
Give Way DOES NOT mean Give Up
To add a level of reassurance here, giving way to other road users, and other people at large in no way is it meaning to give up entirely.
When referring to people-pleasing behavior or moments when you feel the need to yield and stop being you so the other person can have it all. That is abusive and toxic, and it sounds like you are dealing with an aggressive, abusive, road-raging driver. Slow down and go another way, away from these people!
It is everyone’s responsibility when driving on the road to follow the rules.
Same in life, it is everyone’s responsibility to take care of themselves. (Of course, parents are responsible for their children, just like in the car.)
Yes, at times you need to slow down, pause or stop for just a moment and allow the busy traffic to pass. Like in crowded places.
Utilize the Time when Giving Way
Use the time, when you are giving way, as a short rest.
While driving, you are giving yourself a brief rest, similarly to a stop sign, or red light. It’s not a long rest, so don’t think you can check your cell phone now!
In life, the give way sign or in this case, giving yourself respect, is a chance to rest. See how others do things for ideas on your journey and what to do next.
Perhaps you were cruising around – yes in life – and didn’t feel ready to head for your destination. Check out how and what others are doing to give you ideas on how to move forward, while you are pausing and giving way.
The Takeaway to Move Forwards
Remember a give way sign is a momentary thing. You give way to the oncoming traffic and then you continue to move forwards.
Head over to Australia and you’ll find a strong use of roundabouts, yet fewer findings in the USA.
The most interesting factor of roundabouts is despite their common use in other parts of the world, the concept originated in the USA by Pierre L’Enfant an architect and engineer. Likewise, the roundabout was first called: traffic circles by engineers. A way to move the traffic in circles.
Sounds counterproductive right? We want the traffic to move forward – not circle round and round our theme here!
Rules for Roundabout Use
Think of the roundabout as a giant windmill or a wheel. It will only allow traffic to go in one direction. In Europe and Australia, the flow is from the right or clockwise. When entering a roundabout, by law you must make sure no one is coming towards you from the right-hand side. If it is clear, then you may enter.
The reverse is true for the USA roads. Traffic will only flow in a counter-clockwise direction.
To leave the roundabout, you need to indicate your exit. Although there are some additional rules around this, both soft and hard rules.
Life is known for its ebb and flow, or as mountains and valleys, or the good times, and the rough times. Now you can think of life as a roundabout.
You can always tell a tourist when they’re on a roundabout. They circle and circle the middle, with a passenger almost out the window trying to eye the signs and tell the driver which exit they need. At least was the case before GPS.
Unless they are marveling the sheer brilliance of Puerta de Alcalá in Madrid, Spain. One of the top 10 largest roundabouts in the world. Iconic to many movie sets, this is a roundabout to purposefully circle. See below.
But sometimes that tourist car has wound up in the innermost lane. Circling, around and around. Other traffic is in the way. Frantic to escape the roundabout of doom, but how?
At times life is the same.
Go back to the last time you felt stuck or lost. Were you in a place where family, friends, associates, loved ones, and even random others were throwing advice at you? This is common for new mothers; advice comes from every direction!
At first, the information and advice may be good. Giving a sense of direction, even purpose. But then it kept coming. Contradicting itself. You wound up confused, baffled, and unsure.
What’s the point of it anyway? You question.
Yes, life can be like the roundabout.
Power of the Inside Lane
But wait! You may feel as though you are caught in the middle of the roundabout like a vortex has swallowed you whole.
Don’t let your stress overwhelm you.
Quiet the noise of the ongoing traffic – that is those who continue to give advice. And realize the inner lane is the power lane.
The inner lane of the roundabout is the only lane that can access any exit.
Sure, you’ve gone around for your 50th lap.
Yes, being unsure lacks clarity.
But you’re at the point where you realize all that advice is not helping.
Now go back to your personal roundabout – your own situation and navigate with clarity. You can make the decision. The one only you can make, not other road users, only you. You’ve heard the advice, cringed at the unlikeliness of following some pieces of advice, and narrowed down to the one you know you need to follow.
Some may have recommended the first exit, some may have said take the last exit, some may even have placed bets on which you’ll take. Who cares about those gamblers! You take the exit that you have suddenly realized is the ONLY option for you.
And presto – you are off the roundabout. You are in the clear not lost.
Circles move forwards
Created by The Mover for Move Fwds
Above we covered the origin of roundabouts, how they are used, and how they relate to our lives.
As your key takeaways remember:
The direction can only go one way.
If the advice doesn’t suit you, ignore it.
As smoothly as you navigate the roundabout, you can navigate your life.
In most things from video games to life itself, there are soft rules and hard rules.
A soft rule is not a legally binding nature. Consider like this picture, the fence befor the house. Everybody is permitted access to knock on a front door. But that is as far as they can go.
A soft boundary is how close you will allow another person to experience your vulnerabilities without crossing the line.
For example, treating others with respect. This is a common rule all humans know to do.
While treating others with respect, you may have different humor styles. Let’s take sarcasm as an example. In a day-to-day situation with friends, a sarcastic comment will most likely be funny, comical, or humorous.
This is much like on the road, the white lines are often the soft lines. The white dotted or white broken lines are there to help drivers know when it is safe to cross or change lanes. The white solid lane is to help drivers stay in their lane and not cross. However, in the case of an emergency, you will need to cross that white line!
Take the example of humor above, especially sarcastic humor. While this type of behavior will fly with like-minded friends. It often is unsafe to use in workplace settings. Why? Because it poses a risk of insult, rudeness, disrespect, racism, or even harassment. Workplaces are upheld to a legally enforceable standard.
The core difference between a hard rule (or hard law) and a soft rule (soft law) is the level of legally binding force. Read more about soft and hard laws here.
This is like the yellow lines on the road (more so in Australia).
Yellow road markings in Australia
The yellow road line in Australia means to not cross over it. Not even to park on it or over it. Consider it the end or edge of the road. There is no room to park the car and simply it cannot be crossed. This is the same as the hard law explained above.
In the case of an emergency, the yellow line however can be crossed.
The yellow line marking in the USA should always be on the left of the driver. This is because the line means traffic is flowing in opposite directions and the line cannot be crossed.
If, however, the yellow line was dotted, then you can cross into the other lane.
Use lane markings as guidance for personal safe zones
Road lines by Claire Leach via Unsplash images
Now having covered the above, these rules are suitable for traffic conditions, but how is that relevant to self?
When it comes to personal boundaries, let’s consider the white line a soft boundary and the yellow line a hard boundary.
How does it work in practice?
Perhaps you feel some people do not support you well around your topic of abuse/trauma. So, you decide to only dump these matters on your GP and therapist. You also need to warn friends and family how the topic of your abuse or trauma is off-limits.
Now, in some cases, friends and family may check-in. This is where your boundaries come into play.
You need to decide can anything be asked? Is the rule a soft rule or a hard rule? To help you decide consider the two boundary lines. If the soft rule is broken how will that make you feel? What if the hard rule is broken, how will you feel?
Family and friends may check-in because they care for you and want to support you. But not all people can support you to the degree you most need.
If you feel friends or family are poking into your off-limits topic and it makes you feel on edge, stressed, anxious or otherwise uneasy – these feelings are telling you to not engage!
To defend yourself and stop the poking it is safe to say an assertive statement such as: I have stated this topic is off-limits. If you continue to poke, I will leave the party.
Now, some people have asked previously if this is a threat. Let me assure you, it is not a threat. It is a very clear warning that most adults understand.
To recap we have covered how white and yellow road markings relate to soft and hard rules. We use this example to create soft and hard-level boundaries.
In this next week think about your boundaries and see if you can make soft and hard level boundary lines. Then share the new boundary lines with your closest people or tribe so they can support you even better!
This post will use the traffic, road rule sign of a yellow or white line to showcase boundary settings in life.
Let’s begin.
The Purpose of the White Line on the Road
Generally speaking, for most countries, the white line is used to show:
Lines of traffic
Direction of flow for the traffic
Show the centre of lanes
Divide the road, into two lanes of opposing directions
Mark the edge of the lane
Keep drivers in their lane
Each type of white line, whether solid, broken or even yellow has a purpose. In this case we are talking about the solid white line. This line is found as the barrier or edge of the lane you are driving. On one side it tells you where your lane ends; the other side will often have a divided white line. That is if there is another lane you can enter. Otherwise, you’ll have two solid white lines keeping you in the middle.
Image by Soso Kruash via Unsplash
The Do’s of the White Line
As you drive along the white line you can use it to give you a heads up. Take for example a bend in the road, the white line keeps going and is easy to spot. Perhaps you are driving at night, the white line almost glows with your headlights telling you where to go. The white line is like a silent GPS.
The Don’t of the White Line
Image by David-Von-Diemar via Unsplash
You can not cross the white line. Except in case of an emergency. Otherwise, you can not cross the white line.
Think of the white line as police tape during a crime scene. Unless you are the officer called into that mess you cannot cross the tape. It is a boundary line that should not be crossed.
How the White Line Connects with Life?
The white line is a boundary line.
To have healthy relationships we must each create boundaries that keep ourselves safe, and alert others how to behave around us. The boundary line is the edge of the relationship. The warning line to not cross over. The ability to keep friendship, love, engagement, and commitments on the side it belongs.
Yes, there are circumstances, like emergencies which require the white line to be crossed. This will further require a discussion later and a new white line to be established. But those are not everyday situations.
Image by Chris Liverani via Unsplash
Review the White Line: Avoid Stuckness
If you’ve found yourself stuck within a relationship, be it family, friendship or romantic, you first need to review if your boundary line has been crossed. If yes, now you’ll understand what needs to be addressed. Why did you permit the crossing over the boundary line?
Perhaps the boundary line wasn’t clear, and the other party understood the white line as a broken white line, which permits a change of lanes.
Learn to be clear and concise with your needs when bringing others into your life. Your boundaries are there to keep you safe, feel protected, and save your energy.
If you decide not to have a boundary line, you risk being stuck in situations, you risk exposure to trauma and abuse, and you risk becoming a doormat for others.
A boundary line is the first thing you set up to back yourself.
After time review the boundary line. Is it still relevant to that degree, with all those people? Does it need to change? Then update the people accordingly.
Be clear, like the white boundary line upon the road!
Thank you all for being such great readers and supporters of Move Forwards, you are truly appreciated!
Most of the content to date has given ideas on how to overcome stuckness. While there will be occasional posts relating to stuckness, fear, roadblocks, setbacks, and insights with identity content. For the most part, we are headed into a new series: understanding human issues through road rules. You can find the series from the drop-down menu on the home page under blog: Navigate.
Yes, back to those road rules. We can refresh the rules together. Now, I’m aware we are all from different countries and continents. I will do my best to tailor the content as closely as possible for everyone to understand the generic road rules. You know green lights mean go, right?
The O.G. of Move Fwds
The origins of Move Forwards targeted those who are DV victims, survivors, and even thrivers! Woohoo you’ll all become thrivers keep trusting yourself!! To navigate through life’s ups and downs is still to move forwards!
DV is a hard place, and I felt there was a disconnect from those who have endured the hardships of psychological abuse. This is where most of my story originates.
I felt crazy!I was unable to navigate life!
When sitting amongst other DV victims, I felt I did not belong. Others sat with their bruised faces, long garments trying to cover the shame of their bodies, tear-stained faces covered with last night’s makeup. Then there was me, told I was part of this group by the police and social workers, yet lacking the purple, red, yellow, and black stains over my skin, or the swollen cheekbone. But feeling the same feels as the room.
All DV is wrong, horrible, and a crime. If you know someone experiencing DV be sure to reach out and support! Help them to pack an emergency bag and escape! Help them include the police.
In the early days, a therapist said: “All Domestic Violence is horrible, yet those who have suffered psychological abuse are often affected far longer. The skin and body will heal. But the cognitive, the psychology, the identity and make-up of who you are is the hardest to heal.”
I felt defeated upon hearing the apparent supportive words of this therapist. But decided to press forward anyway. Taking each moment the best, I could.
Today? I feel better, but I know the effects the damage has caused.
I could never spend time or space anywhere near the abuser.
One time in a large shopping center I saw the abuser, unsure if they saw me. Yet my muscles fell into a shaking spasm. The coffee I held smeared upon the floor. Equally, my face was drenched with immediate tears. I was with safe people, and they did not know what to do. They had never seen me to this degree of reaction. Panic and fear overcame me. Unable to form words, barely able to move I noticed a staff member. Somehow, I managed to shuffle to them and plead with them to release me as fast as possible from the premises. I remember muttering some vague statements of abuser…DVO…Help! And they did. Yet I have never returned to that shopping center complex ever again.
This is one of the signs and effects of long-lasting psychological abuse.
Move Forwards: A Movement With Others
Move forwards is a daily reminder for anyone who is stuck. It is also a group and place I longed for and needed. My hope is this space can be a group and place you need as well!
While attending the DV workshops and learning to mingle with other victims, share stories and gain support. I heard a recurring theme. We often did not have access to a motor vehicle. Some on their learners. Others with licenses, yet cars taken away, sold, or unpermitted to drive, then later shamed for not driving!
This was something I understood, yet legally the car was mine. When the time to leave came, I was able to because I had a car.
The first drive to freedom
The power to navigate life, is equal to the freedom and power to own a car. I believe all people have the right to a car, especially those in DV situations. A license and a car are the ultimate ticket to freedom with children! A fresh new bubble that can move.
This is where the traffic series ignites.
Over the next while the posts will focus on one traffic icon, theme, road sign, or similar discussed in depth to connect road rules and human issues. We are going to discover ways to navigate our lives, more effectively and not be stuck in the mud!
Once again thank you to those who are already joining us on this journey! It is great to have a support network. If you know others in similar situations, please share! Let’s connect more people to this same supportive network!
Have you ever heard fearlings when people are talking? They might say “I have such strong fearlings about …” Truly they mean feelings. But when listening to the variation of beautiful accents and pronunciations at times the ee-l in feelings can sound slightly more like ea-r..
Today we are going to review how the two are similar, as a conclusion to our latest series on the topic of fear.
As the previous posts which you can read here, over here, and also here have alerted you to fear. I’m sure we know enough about what fear is, so let’s skip that and head into this feeling mess!
What are feelings?
Yarn Mess by Noor Sethi via Unsplash images
In the past, I viewed my feelings much like this messy floor covered with loose yarn balls. No structure to the feeling just a mess.
The online dictionary tells us feelings are: 1) An emotional state or reaction. 2) An idea or belief, especially a vague or irrational one. 3) The capacity to experience the sense of touch.
Feelings are the way we react to what we experience emotionally.
For example, watching a comedian may have you in stitches. You are experiencing happiness and joy and you are expressing it through laughter.
A harder example: A loved one hits you on the cheekbone. They reassured you over years of dating and marriage they would never lay a hand on you and then this happens. Can you imagine the emotion you are experiencing? It could be anything! From confused, to still wanting to love this person, to doubt, to misunderstanding.
Now please note: Anyone who has suffered a DV will immediately assume responsibility for this attack on their body. A common thought a victim will have is I must have done something wrong /or/ I deserved this because I’m not good enough to their standard.
Please do not judge a friend, family member, or other DV victim. There are years’ worth of emotional bonding and togetherness before an attack happens. Judgment is not support!
For anyone who is still or currently experiencing DV please seek immediate help! Police, doctors, Lifeline helplines.
This latter example is where I coined the term “Fearlings”.
What is meant by fearlings?
The feeling of fear from feeling what just occurred. A non-sensical situation occurred which cannot be categorized simply.
Remember, you may express or feel like laughing when you are happy. Or you may smile more.
But when something occurs making you feela variety of emotions. The feeling that shows the emotion may be stopped.
Think over to the flight and fight responses also added to these are friend, fawn, and freeze.
During the time I was in the abuse, the go-to response became freeze. Even to this day, I am affected by common triggers things that are everywhere and cannot be avoided. Certain places. Certain noises in traffic. Thank God I have never frozen up in traffic!
Recently there was a major trigger and fear of seeing the abuser and all I could do was stand there! Can you imagine? The threat, the problem, and the entire problem yet all I could do was stand there frozen in fear. I could hear myself say snap out of it right now and move, you are ok, you can get security – you are almost there anyway. Although my mind said all this I could not move. The fear response is very strong.
Pause for you then move forwards
How do you move forwards from fearlings? At this point, I recommend having a moment to yourself. A moment to recharge. Journalling is a great tool and my go-to. In a year I still contact Lifeline or similar around 4 times. Basically once per season. I still see a therapist. I cannot stress enough the benefits of seeing a therapist. If you’re worried about what others will say because you are seeing a therapist – simply don’t tell them! What business is it of anyone else’s? I share seeing a therapist in hopes of encouraging others and to promote personal healing from abuse.
At the end of the day, you need to feel, you need to show how you feel and respond to your emotions.
Bottling feelings is not a method. Bottling feelings would be giving into fear of your feelings – think phobia level issue with your own feelings. Suppressing feelings will also cause the internal volcano to explode!
Generally, when feelings are blocked or suppressed is because a person may feel unsupported by the people they are with.
This is why I recommend journaling. Because you can spot the issue in that sentence above. Feeling unsupported (unsafe to show feelings) around the people one is with.
If this is how you feel – you need better friends. People who can accept you for you is absolutely vital!
You can move forwards too
The first place to start: is showing your feelings.
Yes, there is the element of society’s favorite term: Emotional Intelligence. And yes, if you show your unhappy feelings at work, or at your boss, yes you may end up fired. Please do not read this post and think you can show your feelings while behaving irresponsibly.
Showing your feelings is: Trusting yourself Backing yourself Loving yourself Remaining authentic.
Be yourself! Because there is no one else like you in the world!
Show your feelings – because you matter and there are no hard feelings!
Learn more about feelings (though warning: it can become a heavy psychology learning session!)
Today you will journey through the revolution of creation. See what God did and did not do. Take inspiration and set forth to do the same in your life!
Just do it and create!
When God created the universe, He already knew what He wanted to create, and then He did it. He just simply did it.
Have you ever had an idea, a brilliant, amazing idea that feels more like a revolution, an inspiration, or the finale of a series of problems you’ve encountered?
Has an idea ever captured you so intensely BUT you don’t know how to create it?
I share your frustration. But I take hope from the above concept. God just did it.
Oh yeah, that’s right. God the all-powerful, all-knowing, all-being creator – well of course He can just create whatever He wants into being. Thanks, but I’m just a human you might rebuke. Yes, you are, and I am, and there’s something special here for us all.
Likeness to God equals likeness to personal ability
In Genesis, it reads: God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness.” Genesis 1:26a [ESV]
Pull back a moment. Notice the words make man in our image are then repeated to say after our likeness.
Something I’ve noticed in reading and studying the Bible is how words, phrases, and sentences are often repeated. This should not be read with negativity, but instead with confirmation and knowledge. Think about how often we all need things repeated, reiterated, reminded, and even, reassured.
The prefix here is “re” which means: again.
God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness.”
This is a powerful line God has given to us. And in this one line, He has repeated himself, to reiterate the meaning, to remind us, and fundamentally reassure us of His key message.
What is that message? That we share in likeness to God and His abilities.
What does God mean by likeness?
The online dictionary defines an image as a physical likeness or representation of a person, animal, or thing, photographed, painted, sculptured, or otherwise made visible.
Did you see how the online dictionary repeated the same words of likeness and image in the definition?
Let’s review what the online dictionary says about likeness.
Likeness: a representation, picture, or image.
Again repeating words, likeness, image. God made humans in his likeness.
Are you excited? Do you see the repeating theme?
God created – so that means we too can create!
God created in the space around him. So we can create in the spaces around us!
God just simply did it – and so can we. Just do it! Just create the thing you want to achieve.
To do or not to do?
A few of the recent posts here at Move Fwds share a key theme around fear. Fear is the emotional and cognitive response to a situation that makes you stop. Or if you would like a chance to blame something. Fear is the reason you are stuck.
But you are here – I want you to feel like a validated reader and so I grant you some encouragement!
God created the world in 6 days and rested on the 7th.
It does not say God thought of creating the universe but first wallowed in fear for 30 days or more.
It also does not say God created day 1 realising all the work ahead of Him then gave into fear.
Let’s review the story of creation and gain some insights, inspiration and encouragement!
1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
2 The earth was barren, with no form of life; it was under a roaring ocean covered with darkness.
But the Spirit of God was moving over the water.
The First Day
3 God said, “I command light to shine!” And light started shining. 4 God looked at the light and saw that it was good. He separated light from darkness 5 and named the light “Day” and the darkness “Night.” Evening came, then morning—that was the first day.
The reading will continue until each day is created. At no point does it read, hint, or suggest God needed a break because of fear. On the 7th day, he rested. Creating something is hard work. Now I don’t believe God was exhausted but rather wanted to display how after working hard all humans need to rest.
No time for fear
In review, if God had mapped an outline in his project: Creation, I believe it would look the same as reading that first chapter of Genesis. I view the Bible as an outline and reference source in one. Pretty nifty! But nowhere in that outline is there time to fear.
In the same way – as we are made in God’s likeness, we have zero time to commit to fear. There is zero time to give into fear and zero time to create fear.
Next time an idea sprouts. Outline it, map it, and go for it!
One of the most profound understandings of creating something new starts with stepping into faith.
– Unknown
First the idea, then comes the fear
An idea comes to mind, it feels great, it sounds great, and you want to do it. But then comes the fear, the anxiety, the dread, the problem, the complication.
How to make it work?
What do I need to do?
How will it grow?
How can it generate traffic (if online)?
Can I do this?
Sneaky fears slips into gaps
Fear is a choice topic for people. It lays there dormant, or seeps into your words. Have you ever heard it?
“Oh, I’d love to catch up but…”
“Woah, you got the promotion I’m so thrilled for you.” All the while hearing your tone of voice slip downward.
“You’re a fantastic artist you should monetize your work!” – yeah but I can’t run a business.
Fear is complicated
Ask any psychologist, counselor, doctor, or career advisor. Fear a multispectral issue. It connects to identity, purpose, behavior, and childhood development.
Here’s some encouragement, often I say fear is like a jellyfish! It stings and takes hold. It turns the thought patterns from new and fun into negative directions.
But it doesn’t need to be so complicated.
Fear has awful friends like discouragement, shame, guilt, and doubt. You don’t want those for friends! Don’t let that jellyfish invite anyone over. You need to fight it off!
Sadhguru on Youtube talks about fear on his channel, you can check it out here. In that clip he states about fear: “Fear is excessive imagination.”
Faith erases fear
Canva is a great graphic design tool and one of the best functions is Ctrl+Z to undo or the eraser. Draw, don’t like it, erase. Draw don’t like it rewind.
Remember the quote: One of the most profound understandings of creating something new starts with stepping into faith. – Unknown.
To erase fear, you need faith.
If you don’t like feeling little, back yourself! Validate yourself.
If you don’t like feeling unsure, learn to make some smaller, easier choices. Review each day the choices and decisions you made, compliment yourself to realise you are already making decisions and you can make bigger ones.
If you don’t like struggling with doubt, remind yourself how strong you are. How far you’ve come. How great adventure awaits.
If you don’t like feeling alone, find someone to share with – a psychologist or counsellor are great first step, even your doctor. Support groups are plentiful online and in local communities. If you don’t have a local support group – make one!
Your idea is wanting to live
Go back to your idea – the one that makes you feel alive. It gives you energy because it desires to birth, and live.
Did you know a data group exists to measure happiness?
Though it has been stated happiness is difficult to record, the data group has found other ways to track and measure happiness. For those of us in modern countries, filled to the brim with technology and access to research, google, and more answers than we could ever need. I find it particularly amusing for there to be a World Happiness Report.
The Problem of Tracking Global Emotions
The issue with tracking happiness or sadness, or even motivation is these terms are what I define as fluid terms. They are based on emotion which is an ever-changing force within the body. Much like water is fluid. How can you track the temperament of the ocean?
Tracking one person’s emotions through a survey means that data is dated for that moment and time specifically. Enhanced to the large scale of our globe, these measurements can become very misleading.
The World Survey collects data from a series of representative national surveys covering almost 100 countries, with the earliest estimates dating back to 1981. In these surveys, respondents are asked: “Taking all things together, would you say you are (i) Very happy, (ii) Rather happy, (iii) Not very happy or (iv) Not at all happy”. This visualization plots the share of people answering they are Very happy or Rather happy.
Our World Data, 2017
However, I wonder if these people felt “Very happy or Rather happy” or if they felt awkward being asked and decided to make the situation seem better than it was.
Global Emotions are not Your Emotions
Yes, there is countless information available through books, studies, reports, and research about other people’s happiness. Or what is considered the happiest country to live in. But you need to remember these are generalized reports. The only emotion that matters every day is your own.
Psychologists want us to track Our Own Emotions
In a 2021 article by Psychology Today the real problem is that people are unwilling to sit and feel their own emotions. (This makes me feel uncomfortable about the validity of those who answered in “Our World Data” happiness survey.)
Psychologists reveal how tracking your emotions grants insights into your well-being and can improve your mental health. Ultimately your emotions have the power to set you free from being stuck.
Track your happiness
Trackers are all the rave! From bullet journals to time management software to smartwatches. We have the ability to track almost anything from our sleep to our diet, to our fitness, to how long we spend on certain devices.
Simple is good, and find what works for you!
Forget colors of the wind, make it colors of your life
A good ole dot journal does the trick for me. Line it up into gridlock, where one tiny square represents one day of the year. These squares are color-coordinated to an emotion or group of similar emotions. At the end of the day color the tiny square it takes all of 5 seconds.
Here is a color order of emotions: Yellow – elated
Bright green – happy
Pink – good
Blue – average
Purple – panic attack/anxiety attack/stressed
Orange – bad day
Red – write off (need a re-run)
Track emotions; Great revelation
Make sure you have a legend/key on the side so you know what each color means. Then at the end of the week review the colors you’ve used.
I find it incredible the insight a simple chart can provide. Sometimes going from elated to bad day, to write off, to elated. Then I wonder why my body is heavily fatigued. Until I check the emotion tracker and realize what my body is trying to say.
This week, find your thing in how to track your feelings. I’m keen to hear what you create for yourself. Remember we are all different so a paper tracker may not be your thing, but what you use may be the ideal inspiration for another. Be kind, pass it forward. Then check at the end of the week how you fared.
Do you ever feel like the friends you have is only because they need you for something?
Do you ever feel jarred by a comment that should have been a compliment but instead they are strangely asking for something?
I hear you! I’ve experienced the same. I believe trauma can set you back to experience more of this.
This post will reveal the insights you need to move forwards!
Storytime: Drop the chain and let go
When getting ready for the day, I enjoy browsing through a collection of earrings and hair pins to match the outfit. On this day I opted for a gold bar with a short chain connecting to resin pink and orange drops. As I picked up the pair one earring was stuck. Putting one earring in place, the other became a project. Stuck by a twisted chain. The more I played with it to untwist it, the worse it got. Until it got so twisted and fell through my clumsy fingers.
When I found and picked it off the floor, it was completely normal. No twisted, knotted chain. Just ready to wear.
Have you felt so connected to something that the more involved you got, the messier and twisted it became?
If yes, read on psychology can help you understand why!
Life is like a knotted chain, but smooth when its expectations are released
Psychological research tells how getting stuck is an extremely personal and individual reaction to an event often caused by fear.
That means, your lack of motivation or ability to cope with the thing going on for you now, is unique to your person. Your twisted chain situation and solution need a tailor-shaped solution for you.
This is why there isNO one fix for all issues.
What are common areas to get stuck?
Psychological
Communicative
Physical
Emotional
Sexual
Mental
Personal challenges
Social
In reading that list, did you notice a common theme?
These are some of the same categories of abuse.
If I’m stuck, am I more likely to be abused?
Yes, there is a likelihood.
Psychological research tells us how we need to be open-minded and positive in our experiences. Strong communication helps with boundary setting and standing up for yourself.
If an unpleasant reaction happened in your childhood, often you will not want to repeat the action. Think of accidentally touching a hot stove. However, some matters are complicated, such as with feelings and emotions and other people.
A caregiver may sometimes have given a child attention, and other times not the same level of attention. This mix of results can deeply affect the child. When referring to Attachment Theory, this scenario would result in the child developing either an anxious or dismissive attachment type based on their caregiver.
Now, as a teenager or adult, the anxious or dismissive attachment style continues to affect interactions with others.
For example, people-pleasing is often attributed to the anxious type. I can agree that this research is accurate. For a while, I was so determined to have the approval and validation of others to ensure I could do a task.
Don’t worry, you won’t be stuck like this forever!
Awareness is an amazing tool. The more I researched and attended therapy sessions the more I gained and helped myself. The same can be true for you! Below are four methods to overcome the stuck in your life and move forwards.
Encourager: It is possible to work on yourself and become a secure attachment type! I went from anxious to secure just shy of two years, post leaving the abuse.
2) Awareness grants insight into learning another way to behave
It wasn’t great to read about the anxious attachment style. But I had to know fully about it to know how to stop feeding my brain roads (you know the neuron pathways that get stuck in the automatic systems we encourage) in this non-productive way.
Sometimes researching, reading, learning and discovery are unfavorable. But if you are not willing to do the new, you are saying that you prefer to be stuck. Is that what you really want?
3) Adjust how you see the world
Remember the chain? I saw it knotted and twisted. I took the chain upon myself, thinking I was fully responsible for this item, and I needed to untwist it. I need to restore it.
This is the same thinking I had during the abusive times, and early times when I left.
My psychologist said: “You are like a sponge who thinks it is their job to suck up everyone’s mess and take it onboard your shoulders. You will be crushed under the weight of all these people. Leave their problems on the table, and only take on board your things ready to fix and find alternatives.”
That was not nice to hear! I thought I was helping others by being there for them to get through their issues. All the while I was wasting my own time.
Trying to learn and move forwards yet still stuck, I became angry realizing how much time I had wasted giving my responsibility and attention to others. I wanted them to come to my aide, as I was there for theirs. In reality: I had the wrong expectations of other people all along.
The day I realized this; it was a transformative day indeed! In my excitement, I told my psychologist, and he was proud of my discovery, growth, and action. (Having the psychologist share in my learning, was far greater than the vibe of people-pleasing. This was shared self-awareness, growth, and authenticity.)
On that day I committed to not taking on other people’s responsibilities, I let my friends know things would change. And they certainly did. Easily half the friend group left. Why? Because they were happy to be irresponsible and rely on others.
Don’t be irresponsible of your time, efforts, skills, and abilities.
Take your life into your own hands, nurture and love it, and expand. People will gravitate toward you when they can see your life is in order, functioning and so vibrantly fruitful!
4) Love and care for yourself to stop the negative cycle
Stop repeating the cycle of needed validation from others. Be what you need from others. Speak kindly to yourself and say what you need to hear. If you want to be successful, back yourself up. Others can only give you a limited scope. Others may not believe in your desires, and they will knock you down. Don’t give others your power. It’s your power for a reason!
Get a piece of paper and write: This is power to hold and keep. No one else’s! (write your name in the blank. Remind yourself as often as you need.)
Drop the earring (the thing) and move forwards!
Just as the earring proved how I was unable to ‘bend it back’ it needed to do it on its own as it fell away from my grasp. So too use this encouragement in the areas of your life.
What is one thing that is not your responsibility and that you could give up today to begin redeeming yourself?
Are you stuck at a crossroads? The decision-making process can overwhelm but you can make the best decision by following your passion and purpose.
To help you, below is a story concept. See how well you fit into this character’s shoes.
Storytime: “The Persistent Purpose”
Maybe one day you realized you could draw, and you loved it! You then spent time drawing each moment you got. In-between homework pages and even onto the textbook oops. In college, you were studying accounting, but your heart was questioning why don’t you draw anymore? One day during a quiet study sesh that ironically no one turned up to, you find yourself doodling. Eventually giving up on the study sesh and walking away. Time lapses, you become an accountant and for the life of you, you cannot recall the formula you need. But in the safe keeping of your laptop bag, you always keep the trusty notebook that has helped you through every exam. Your accounting secrets with all the answers. You know the book. Flicking through it you find the doodling from way back when and it sits there haunting you.
On lunch break, you think about that picture and remember no one turning up for the study sesh. And your mind starts to ponder. Your heart is singing, finally, you reconnected with your passion! Oh yeah, oh yeah, we’re going to be a creator after all… oh yeah, oh yeah. The more you listen to your passion you realize how accounting is what your parents pushed you into. You needed to bring income for yourself and support the family line. No more play. Quit drawing these ridiculous things that are not going to get you anywhere! Recalling the painful memories of parents who wanted the best for you, but through the narrow scope of their understanding of you.
Passion is in the Heart
Did you see how the young accountant could not let go of the image drawn? It sat there haunting.
Passion is the same way.
For instance, I long to write. When time lapses and life takes over I yearn to write. To help this, I don’t only write on the computer I write offline in books, journals, notebooks, and scraps of paper. Even relying on the voice recorder app. Because sometimes life does take over, but it is your passion that keeps you afloat.
What is something you can do today to help your passion to be on the go?
Purpose is in the Mind
Think of your purpose as a tweaking process. It is always there trying to encourage you to pick it up and carry it, run with it to the next destination. Your passion and purpose are united.
Your passion already knows and is sparking at every opportunity to tell you what you “should” be doing.
If you listen to external sources, they too will spark and tell you what to do.
So, what do you do?
Welcome to the Crossroad
We all know that place where desires overlap, ideas and plans swamp us, but only one choice can be made. One step can be taken to prove the direction. But which way shall we go?
Decision-making is difficult for some, and even those who admit to decision-making as an easy process have surely suffered the effects of poor results from some choices.
I fall into that category. Often marked or viewed by peers as a strong decision maker, however, if that were so – why is it I married an abusive person? Was my decision taken from me? Was it pushed on me? Was I deceived? There are many questions. The most important is to ask “why”.
Move Beyond the Crossroad
Ask yourself these questions and then move. Take a baby step in a direction. Only you have the power to choose. Other choices for you are only recommendations – you do not have to choose their way.
Why do you feel you are at a crossroad?
Why do others want you to go on that path?
Why are your family members opposed to the path your friends claim?
Why are you listening to the advice of those around you?
What do you most desire for yourself?
How can you make it happen?
Remember if you are not moving forwards… you are choosing to stay stuck.
Happy New Year to all readers, visitors, and everybody else!
I trust you had wonderful celebrations for the end of the year. Even a chance to reflect on the year, realizing your strengths and achievements, what made the year good or even not so good.
Like the above calendar banner? Access your own free copy here.
Reflection is an important process
Each year between Christmas and New Year’s Eve I spend a large portion of that week reflecting on the year gone by.
Some of this is aided by the end of month reflections and end-of-season reflections (over the top? Not for me)
This level of tracking and reflecting helps to see where I am going, what I’ve been doing, and what I still need to do.
Each month it adds a level of awareness and the following month I can already tweak what wasn’t working and turn it into a productive task.
Reflection builds awareness.
If you haven’t already take time to reflect on 2023.
Write a list of all you accomplished and achieved – you want to feel good about yourself.
Now, I am not saying to do this next part to bring yourself down but rather to grant you personal insights.
Write a list of everything you had hoped to achieve and didn’t.
You are not a failure.
That list however long it is, is not a reflection of how bad you are. Rather it is a reflection simply of what you were unable to do last year. The activity is a tool for awareness shaping.
Now you can see right before you what you didn’t get done, and what you did get done.
Take some of the strengths from what you did achieve and apply them to the tasks that did not get started.
Always the SMART goals
Check in with yourself if those tasks you didn’t get done are still tasks you want to achieve for this year. Then write out each task in the SMART goals fashion. This has been around for many years now. But in case you don’t know how to write this I’ll share an example.
As a writer – I did not achieve nearly as much writing as I hoped to in 2023. So this year I seek to publish. Now I already have one manuscript seeking publishing, but there are 3 others. 1 of those is almost at the final stage, yet two are still in the research stage! The horror was the realization I hadn’t even touched the other two writing projects for the entire year!
How to be SMART?
Specific: What specifically are you trying to do? My example: Write daily to achieve writing tasks.
Measurable: How can you measure the specific task you are trying to do? My example: Write for 1 hour each day and track this (ps. Bullet journalling is the best!)
Achievable: When do you hope to achieve this by? What is your scope? Actionable: Some sources use actionable, meaning what action are you going to take to achieve the outcomes you desire? My example: Aim for 6 months and reflect on which writing pieces I have worked on more and which I haven’t. (Note: I don’t put the whole year because a year is a very long time! By aiming for 6 months, I still have a remaining 6 months to re-adjust if needed)
Realistic: How can you make the goal realistic to avoid overwhelm or stress? Relevant: Some sources use relevant, meaning what can you do to make your goal relevant and help you to achieve it? My example: relying on habit automation: I can realistically set my goal of writing every day with other tasks I do daily. Waking up early, exercising, spending time with God, and now writing.
Time-Based: Set a date to keep you focused and motivated! Set it on your most used calendar. My example: Like the Actionable task, the time basis of 6 months is the scope. Yet I prefer to be more specific. Did I write daily? Check it off in the tracker. And what did my writing go towards? Was it book content, blog content, or other?
Go forwards!
What better way to set yourself up for success than to access the newly added Freebies tab.
Check it out and download your free copy of a 2024 calendar and tracker.
Use the tracker to record your wins across 2024! You can record important milestones from previous years to celebrate your ongoing commitment to success.
Today you will discover how your identity can unlock why you are here and what you can do with your life.
This post will explore identity themes linked to purpose and reason with activity questions and examples to discover more about you as your takeaway message.
The Identity Hunt
Heads-up I love all things psychology and identity. Why? Because I feel like an odd person when I compare myself to the standards of society. I don’t see how what I do is meant to fit in with the “greater works.” It leaves me with a lack of self and a lack of feeling accepted.
That creates a curveball back to the question: Why did this higher power (God) summon me/create me into the world for this era?
What is your purpose?
Will this higher power tell me the exact reason I am here?
What is my assignment?
Am I to join the military and have missions?
What am I to do?
I believe the answer is found through God (higher power/faith), but also by realizing what makes you so very different from those around you.
Ask yourself these questions:
What are you naturally good at?
What have you experienced that others are often amazed to hear?
If you do believe in a faith/God/religion – have you tried asking what you are doing here?
When I answer these questions, it looks like this:
I am naturally good at talking, storytelling, creating, connecting, and seeing things others miss.
I have experienced an array of abuses and have managed to get out, get help, and share my experiences in hopes others won’t make the same mistakes I did.
I have asked God what I need to do, and His answer is to write and share with the communities around me. (Hello Move Fwds Community!)
Sometimes your past can point to your path and future
As a young girl, I dreamt of being an author. Yet, my writing was atrocious. Despite doing relatively well in school, my writing let me down. I recall teachers often sighing at my assessment work saying it made no sense. Yet a public speaking assessment I would wing last minute and score top marks. If it was left to me, public speaking (think politics) is where I would probably have gone.
But I’ve been inspired to write because ‘God told me to.’
Take Action Today
This year is winding up. Take time after Christmas to write down how far you’ve come.
What have you achieved? What are you most proud of accomplishing in 2023? Ponder these questions over the next few days.
Then you can line yourself up for a mega New Year’s resolution plan! Why? Because you will fully be able to back yourself, as you know who you are!
Remember the post on Love types? Click here to read it.
This post is all about how love has the power to create freedom, and what happens after that.
When you tap into the power of love you gain knowledge, and that knowledge can open doors and opportunities, that bring freedom (financial security, love, relationships, connections, hope, and security, etc…). But to get there you need to grow.
First let’s learn about love and freedom.
How does love create freedom?
Glad you asked! Free will is the basis of freedom. You may have heard irate children/teens scream “It’s a free country” or “I have freedom of speech.” Sure, but freedom is much more than using your voice.
You use your voice to set yourself free from oppression. As I did when realizing the oppression caused by the psychological, and emotional abuse. The first stage was to ensure what I was seeing was in line with what abuse is. Upon reaching the result I then use my voice to reach the place of freedom.
To achieve the result of freedom, I needed to step out and do it. This looks like, a need to care and love myself enough to leave the place of abuse. To get out and go to a place of safety. To walk into a police station and know that I am safe and ok and they have the power to help.
Therefore your first steps are all possible when you back yourself and believe in yourself to move forwards.
Freedom is not the path of least resistance
You may have heard it said the best path is the one of least resistance because you swim with the current and go with the flow.
This place is easily attainable, but you will not learn or grow much in this space!
Think of a tomato plant.
For it to grow in the path of least resistance, it would flop about the ground growing wherever. Eventually, if it is lucky, it may create enough energy and vitamins to produce tomatoes, however, those tomatoes are likely to get broken from rocks or sharp objects along the ground. Animals may eat them. But hey – the vine is just doing its thing growing where it wants right?
A gardener cares for their crop, they would prop the tomato plant up, to make sure it has places to grab and grow to reach higher and glean from the sun for energy and production. Now the tomato plant has good soil, strong access to its resources, and is thoroughly cared for.
In this scenario the tomato plant is you. The gardener would be God.
To stay in freedom we need to move forwards not on the path of least resistance, but rather in the path of maximum growth.
There is a reason most fields of study in psychology promote stepping outside of your comfort zone. Because outside of your comfort zone is growth, awareness of new things, new skills, new abilities, and new perspectives.
Personally stepping out of the comfort zone is great. It expands the comfort zone – because the brain tries so hard to normalize the new. And I love learning and tweaking how I do things!
Start small: Read a non-fiction book in an area you wouldn’t normally. See how it can apply to your life!
Growth is the secret formula to love yourself and push yourself forwards. Remember the love types – agape love: unconditional love is something you can learn through faith in God. For he treats us all with unconditional love.
He is a God who makes the best cheerleader.
Who will never let you down but keep pulling you up into better places and opportunities.
He is a God who cares and loves you so much that when you follow the things He has lined up for you. He then personally helps show you how it all works toward growth, found in freedom, based in love.
You have the incredible power within you to accomplish anything. Through the grace of God, who grants you the strength and capabilities, there are no limits to what you can achieve.
My paraphrase of Philippians 4:13 ESV I can do all things through Him who strengthens me
Welcome your opportunities now by leaning into God’s unlimited love supply to grow and move forwards to freedom.
Agape is an unconditional love. To learn more about these types follow the link at the end of the post for a guide on the types!
What’s love got to do with [it] purpose?
Sorry if you got an earworm just now.
Why did this topic start with love?
Because everything started in love!
I believe when God created the world and humanity, that everything operates through love. Meaning when we actively pursue our passions we are operating from love.
Think of a delightful person who has done all they could do during the span of their life. They followed their talents and giftings and shared what they had with others. They encaptivated the core components of the 8 love types. (Mania love is okay when pushed into your passion. For example, running. You need to love yourself and have a passion for running to keep doing it. Eventually, this becomes obsessive but in your favor.)
God created us for a relationship with him. To learn more about him and understand. To do this, we need to understand love and its components.
Stuck is recalibrated with love
When you are feeling stuck it could be a multitude of reasons such as:
The weather is not sunshine and blue happy sky.
You realize keeping up with the … [insert name of whoever you are comparing lifestyle to] is making you feel stuck.
You are doing what expectation demands.
Recalibrate with the 8 love types
Example 1: The weather is not sunshine and blue happy sky. Sure productivity levels may be better with blue skies, but the weather is currently cloud or fog or snow and you are stuck with that on this day (or even season). You cannot control the weather but you can control you.
Give yourself some grace and philautia (self-love) do something to liven up your spirits and then continue with the tasks before you.
Example 2: You realize keeping up with the … [insert name of whoever you are comparing lifestyle to] is making you feel stuck. Firstly – CONGRATULATIONS for REALIZING – becoming aware of – this place of stuckedness. Well done. The first stage is to realize it.
Often the deep or real issue of trying to keep up with the Jones’ is seeded in jealousy. Without referring to self-love again – which you should do because you need to accept who are and be comfortable with that.
Lean into your contacts. The Joneses sound like they want to brag about their fantastic lifestyle – good for them. You know there are cracks under all that façade, right?
What you need is company. Philia is deep friendship love – who are your contacts? Who’s in your home team or your tribe? Connect with them! Even if you have no close friends (telephone calls still exist just saying.) There’s also a closer friendship group – it is called the family. This love type is storge or familial love.
Sweet friendship refreshes the soul.
Proverbs 27:9
Two are better than one because they have a good return for their hard work. If either should fall, one can pick up the other. But how miserable are those who fall and don’t have a companion to help them up!
Ecclesiastes 4:9 – 10 [CEB]
Example 3 You are doing what expectation demands. No part of this statement sounds like love.
Love you for you, and your skills, and how you see the world, and celebrate how far you’ve come, and stand victorious that you’ve realized you are stuck and you are here reading ways to overcome!
Stand in Purpose, Act in Love
Review your skills, your passions, and your purpose through the lens of love:
Let’s say your passion is carpentry and helping others. You may feel the call to build more houses for those in dire situations.
Philia: a deep friendship love Connecting with others to form friendships. Reach out to friends in the carpentry field to find your place, your niche, and how to give your support.
Ludus: a playful love Gotta love what you do. When you do – it is playful and easy!
Storge: familial love (family relationships). Get some family support for your purpose. When things get tough they will be your cheerleader squad.
Eros: passionate love. Be so involved in your passion that you absolutely love, love, love working on it!
Mania: possessive and obsessive love. You love working on the passion to the point it is obsessive, and it gives you the drive to push on and complete the house/s.
Pragma: an enduring love. By this point, you know you are in it for the overall investment. Perhaps you found a way to monetize this, but still you are doing what you love and soon others will be in better places.
Philautia: self-love. You take care of yourself, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially through all seasons so that you can keep pushing and moving forwards.
Agape: unconditional love. You’ve reached the point where your passion is your life, and you are happy to know how love has found you at each bend and each moment.
Love Yourself
Note down the 8 love types and write your passions, skills, and interests.
What is something you can do, that your social group cannot?
What is your hidden talent?
What is your best attribute?
What are your shortcomings and how do you approach new situations with that weakness?
Could you answer all these questions?
I love all things on identity. We are all so unique and special and have an important part to bring to the grand picture puzzle – and it is absolutely AMAZING!
When I think back to a time in High School, unsure what class or activity this was for but the teacher tasked us to write down as many of our characteristics as possible in 5 minutes. (You know, funny, smart, kind, considerate, etc.)
The 5 minutes lapsed the teacher walked around loudly saying “hmmm. Interesting… Hmmm” Eventually stopping beside the desk she spoke: “Of all the students, this one student next to me has the longest list. How many have you written down?” Upon counting it resulted in 33. Cautiously and feeling very much pinpointed and pulled out from the group I looked around at others’ sheets noticing often 10 or fewer points.
Then the teacher added,“It is often typical for people will dismiss their unique talents and abilities, the parts that make them who they are because they fear being arrogant or proud to boast of their good qualities. However, the reverse is true. If you can list all your key attributes you will go far, because you know yourself and you will grow.”
Do You Know Yourself?
There are countless quizzes, questionnaires, and polls to test your personality, or likeness to a TV show character. Try a few! I recommend these:
Myers-Briggs Personality Tester Well-researched and often referenced. An easy way to understand what ‘type’ of personality you have. Take the test here: www.16personalities.com
Enneagram Shows how you respond to situations through relationships, work, and family and if you trust your head, heart, or gut in decision-making. Take the test here: www.enneagramuniverse.com
Colour Tester A personality test that reveals your behavior type. Take the test here: True Color Personality Test
Love languages A test to do as a single or couple explaining how you prefer to receive love and how you like to give it. Take the test here: www.5lovelanguages.com While here, there are similar tests to learn about additional behaviors like how you prefer to apologize/how you like to be apologized to. Also, how appreciated you feel or how you cope with anger.
I’ve tried each of these tests, and have heard it said to re-test often (think yearly or so) because the results do change! One year I scored on the 16 personalities tester as an ENTJ, the next year an INTJ, and the following year as an ENFJ. Doing repeated tests is a great way to track your progress and growth in moving forwards!
How a Personality Test Helps You Move Forwards?
When I think back to the deep, dark rut and abuse days, I thought I knew who I was, but honestly, no clue! I knew what others expected of me, and what desires I held that clashed with the expectations. But who was I specifically?
Thinking back to Psychology 101 I recalled a love for identity and understanding through personality tests! My therapist was delighted to know I gained a spark of interest and motivation toward something.
The Backlash of Personality Tests
Many times, I have heard the detest about personality tests as inaccurate, false, or wrong. So, I tell you this disclaimer.
A personality test is a tool to help you understand yourself.
In no way, shape, or form is the result telling you who you are in set stone. Personality is based on numerous factors such as upbringing, childhood, adulthood, behavior choices, preferences, weaknesses, strengths, and more.
Pause for a minute: What is the similarity in all those factors?
Each factor is fluid.
We are all unique creations and I believe the God Almighty has formed us. Therefore, we each have a unique experience and outlook on life. We are each so unique that a simple personality test cannot possibly tell you every facet of yourself. It can only be generalized.
It is from that generalization that you can use it as a tool to help you grow. When asking others what their personality is like, it becomes a tool of knowledgein how to treat other people.
Invest in Yourself
Please take a block of time for yourself. Complete one of these personality tests or more. I encourage you to learn more about who you are.
Spending time alone is healthy, crucial, and necessary.
Think about it this way: If you can tell your loved ones to take time out, then so can you! Because the best action is when the words match the action.
I like to say it this way:
If you don’t know who you are, how can you give the best of yourself?
Move a verb, an action. It tells something is about to begin. Action is about to start. To showcase the movement what better way than with cursive lettering. The black is to also signify the road, for often Move Fwds will draw on metaphors of travelling for this is where there is much movement.
Forwards is a direction and the mindset shift from stuck to upward and onwards. FWDS is set in bold because you will need to be bold and courageous to push forward. The difference of font in FWDS is to be a reminder. Always forwards, which is why the font is green.
The arrow reinforces forward movement. An arrow reminds me of a compass, plus the remote-control directions like fast forward and skip. In this case the entirety of this blog is to move from stuck to forwards, whatever that looks like for each individual.
The bright green color for the arrow is to remind of the green traffic light. We want to go, go, go!
Just For You
Print off the logo and place it in a spot you always look. Your home office desk, your journal, on your mirror, with your gym equipment.
Move FWDS is a direction, a way of life. It is finding out:
Who you are.
What you are longing to achieve and why.
How you are going to do it.
Once you can answer those questions you should be able to set sail.
Disclaimer: Things are always moving.
What you envision to accomplish in the future today, may look different to your future tomorrow. This is due to change. Change is the most consistent part of our reality.
We will never have another today in the exact same capacity. Tomorrow will be different to today. Count on your differences.
As a forward thinker, idealizing that perfect end goal where all is done, isn’t a place. I’ve been brought back to ground zero numerous times!
Originally, I hated it, but then I realized why try to hold onto something when life is constantly changing?
After spending some time pondering about change, I remembered an episode of The Big Bang Theory, when Penny lightly encouraged Sheldon to consider change was fundamental to the operation of life. Sheldon did see how change was necessary. Sheldon did not want change to occur. But then realized it was core to so many things and his mind opened to more possibilities with his theories as a physicist.
I have fought change with my bare hands and been a loser each time.
How To Count On Your Differences
Difference can look like a seed of grace. Someone showing up for you, someone showing you mercy when you least expected it…
Margin: Have a day each week that you can fill up with the things that didn’t get done when you preferred.
Allow time to reflect on the day/week/month. (I do this monthly, fits with the End Of Month of business)
Open yourself to more positivity and gratefulness.
Take Action
This week:
What you can cull from your week to include margin.
Growing up I was very shy and introverted. Did this mean I couldn’t talk? No, I just didn’t always feel it was safe to talk. Did it mean I wanted to be left out of social activities? No, I just didn’t feel like voicing my opinion, when often I was the youngest and received ridicule or criticism. So instead, friends and some family assumed how my actions should be. And I often went along with it.
Why Go Along?
Cause 1: I was labeled as the ‘goodie two shoes’ and ‘good Christian girl’ most of my life. I had a dark past that I couldn’t speak of as these labels were too loud.
Cause 2: Expectations from the previous generations showed me what I was meant to do with my life and how to live it. What things I can do to ensure a good life or a bad life. These expectations were heavy and did not provide the guidance needed.
Result: Attempting to live a worthwhile life according to how others expected and perceived. Like a bowling ball with the bumpers up, I cautiously traveled against the rules and expectations of Cause 1 and 2. Feeling and knowing I needed to study, I needed to get a job, I needed to get married, I needed to have kids. Is peer pressure affecting me? You betchya!
I wasn’t living up to what I BELIEVED I COULD DO. I only had the intentions.
Image from Unsplash by Jeshoots, quote added.
Projection Is Not Action.
Did you know there is a powerful, sly, deceptive way to get other people to do what you desire? It comes from Projection.
Projection is a psychological word meaning: to push ideas, desires, and negativity onto another person as a form of justification, to protect self from vulnerability, discomfort, and conflict, as a form of irresponsibility where the other party takes on said qualities. (Refer to the link at the end of this post to find out more about projection.)
Intentions without actions are useless. Now along comes an evil mindset that can convince action into others through deceptive work. This is a form of psychological abuse. Some may have experienced this through selfish people, others through narcissistic people, and some again through their own abuse sufferings.
Psychological abuse is a coercive nature. I rather think of it as corrosive. Once a confident young adult turned into an exhausted, debilitated, confused, constantly second-guessing individual. Once the abuser can take this level of control, pushing ideas through projection is as easy as eating toxic soup.
How To Make It Stop?
When you are alone with an abuser it is very hard to get it to ‘just stop.’
There are many mental/psychological, and emotional reasons to justify what is happening.
For anyone reading this who has not been through a Domestic Violence situation personally, please do not judge your friend, or your family member who is caught up in one. It is extremely difficult to cope and opinions such as “Just leave” or “You’ll be okay others are surely going through worse” are not helpful.
Referring to scripture it states in James 2:16 [CEV] You shouldn’t just say, “I hope all goes well for you. I hope you will be warm and have plenty to eat.” What good is it to say this, unless you do something to help?
In my situation, I was already experiencing brain fog, I felt crazy, I felt misunderstood, and no one believed me. There were some peers I could talk to. But one night made everything so much clearer. The abuser relayed an event of their driving to my Father. In the story, there were many parts that were completely different from when the story was told to me earlier the same day. Upon questioning these differences in the same earshot where my Father still was, the abuser lost their public persona.
I remember seeing a complete change of expression and I felt scared. I did everything I could that night to avoid going home, without seeming completely crazy.
When the abuser wasn’t around, I had moments to think deeply and excavate myself from the layers of rubble and defeat. One day, feeling as broken as the saucepan lid on the kitchen floor, I wept as I remembered being the girl who did not care what others thought of me, and I stood strong in my personal faith and ability. Now I needed to do this again. Not just as a mindset but in full action.
Sweeping the glass shards, some were caught in the corner. That corner spoke to me. No matter how many times the brush tried to scoop the broken shards from the corner they wouldn’t come. I was the broken glass in the corner, and the abuser was the brush trying to poke at me. Being pushed against not only one wall but two, I realized the strength of the walls, and if I was to push against this strength it could launch me from the corner and over yonder. Just like a slingshot.
This is when I realized, I needed to voice what was happening even if it made me look crazy I needed to know what people would be my walls of strength and help to propel me out of there.
The slingshot became my tool for action.
I urge you to find your walls (your supports) and pillars of strength. Consider all they do for you, their values and merit.
If you are in a current DV situation, please contact the local authorities/police. They are your walls of protection when no one else is available.
Get out of the corner and fly towards your future, your freedom.
There is always more than one way, it’s true and this is a statement I’m often saying. Not only is it a great parenting tool but a great reminder. On a side note, I’ve been informed my abuser had narcissistic tendencies, and the terms “always”, “never”, and “just”… or other absolute terms were often used. I became aware of those terms and opted to avoid using them. However — it is true there is ALWAYS more than one way. So this “Always” will need to slide.
In a recent park walk, I noticed the very dry, brittle branches and twigs on the trees. At the time of writing this, it is wintertime, and the lack of greenery is dearly missed.
Pausing to study the rhythm and flow, the sticks grew in any direction, lumps, and all. No one tells the sticks to grow. Can you imagine? An inner fiber foreman saying: “Okay, row 128 facing north will mark 3 meters. Then sticks will grow at 10 cm left, 5 cm left, 7 cm right…”
No, not the case. The sticks grow as the plant receives enough nutrients, water, and sunlight. In any direction, it will grow. Generally closer to the sun. Think sunflowers – “Hello sun we love you!”
This same principle is true for us – for all of humanity.
We are each special, unique, different.
We don’t need to follow strict protocols on how to grow, we just need to grow.
Parents don’t tell their children “Okay you are now 3 years, 2 months, and 5 days today we are going to learn how to brush your teeth alone. Lesson one and done.” Uh, no. Sorry to disappoint, but a child needs continual help and reminding, guidance, and cheering on.
Children are Great Examples
My child loves maths and counting so one day I held up both my hands, with thumbs tucked in, and asked: What number is this?
Pausing the reply was: 8!
Next, I kept one hand to show 5 and the other hand to show 3. I asked again: What number is this?
After a brief pause, the reply 8!
The next thing surprised me.
“But Mummy you need to do it like this…”
You see, children are taught A WAY, a method that sticks, that makes sense. But this does not have to be the ONLY WAY. I kept at it to show my child various ways to make the number 8, away from how the teacher shows. Not saying the teacher is wrong, but rather to help expand perspective, understanding, curiosity, and development.
Because there’s always more than one way!
In the adult world, we fend for ourselves, and we need to realize there is always another way to do something!
Don’t get stuck in the same old patterns. Reinvent yourself by altering what you normally do.
When asked about my skillset, talents, hobbies, and interests I would find myself saying “I dabble.”
In the movie Uncharted (2022) a scene where Nathan Drake (played by Tom Holland) and Victor Sullivan (Mark Wahlberg) attend a high-end business event auction in hopes of claiming their item of interest: a key. Gazing upon the amber gemed, golden key Nathan Drake is sprung by lead antagonist Santiago Moncada (played by Antonio Banderas), who proceeds to inform Nathan of the historical details of the key. Then asks Nathan if he is a collector. Where he responds “I dabble.” Standing with smug confidence Santiago replies “I don’t dabble.“
If considering the remainder of Uncharted through the lens of whether it is better to dabble or not, look at the comparison of the core characters. Nathan Drake – our dabbler has a varied skill set. Yet, antagonist Santiago Moncada refers to the same repeated tactics; hire, delegate chain of command, and acquire goods.
To Dabble or Not to Dabble?
Over my life, I have tried a bit of this and a bit of that, yet not fully committed to one thing. I strived to achieve as many things as I could and it provided a great thrill. Often being achievement-focused I was accused of not investing fully into one avenue and taking it further. I would hear comments such as: “Why don’t you invest all your eggs in one basket?”“You would make a fantastic researcher” or “Have you ever considered a career as a teacher?” Yeah, thanks. The thing is, I did not have an interest in those things. When I attended networking events to branch out and find new things of interest to enhance my skill set, I would instead be caught in that awful space with the dreaded“what do you do?”
In what time loop was I stuck from group to group, event to event that I would hear this question and further be judged by it? I would walk into events feeling confident and leave feeling flat and unsure.
This is the cause of expectations.
When others realizeyour potentialand you don’t – you end up listening to the reason of others like it were the Bible and then feel flat things aren’t going how you hoped.
Looking back, I have come to realize all my dabbling has created space, skills, connections, and the ability to fully invest in what I do now.
As a writer, I still invest much time into research so those skills aren’t wasted.
As a writer, I still invest time into the imaginative space, creating stories and learning concepts. I also spend time mapping my budget and feeling like a mini accountant. To those who advised becoming an art or mathematics teacher, my skills work better for what I’m doing.
As a writer, I still invest in networking events with other writers, authors, event staff, and people at large – is a great skill. Sure I didn’t invest in event management, but these skills still serve what I need.
If this was a vote to dabble or not, I would say dabble. A backup developing skill set provides more opportunities and greater possibilities to do more of what you love, in the ways you prefer.
When you go from here, consider what skills you naturally have, and what skills you wish to acquire. What can you do going forward to acquire those skills?
Eg: if public speaking is not quite your thing but you feel you may need it for your future, attend a public speaking workshop, or Toastmasters.
News Flash: Today on Move Forwards, we discover that the kangaroo is unable to move backwards. Wait, what has that got to do with anything, am I right? Especially when Move Forwards promotes forward movement. Well, yes, that’s double true. Move Forwards does promote forward movements, just as it is true that a kangaroo is unable to go backwards. But when a kangaroo gets stuck it needs to move through a series of steps, which we cover in this post. The ways to move forward are to stop, turn around, and go back. Sometimes going back, is actually movement forwards. Let’s discover more!
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1. Stop
A kangaroo cannot walk or hop backwards. How annoying is that? Imagine it’s walking and munching then oops, drops the yummy handful and there it is, a whole foot adjacent, behind. Now it will need to move forwards to make a circle and go back to the food. How utterly inconvenient. Hmmm.. though it sounds like perhaps we humans aren’t so different.
First Thing to do? Stop!
When the kangaroo dropped the food, in our above example, what does it do first? It stops. Now consider this situation. Your hands are full of books and files as you dash through the school corridor hoping you’re not totally late for class. The books and files are starting to spread as their covers are slippery. You try to keep it together and BAM. All across the corridor books and files go flying. Oh no, some of the pages have opened, what if others read the text? What will be the next thing our figurative character does? Stops. We have covered stopping in a previous post for our traffic sign series, read about stopping here.
Stop and Assess
Stopping is needed to re-assess the situation. Yes, carrying that much stuff wasn’t wise. Yes, dashing while carrying all that stuff is double unwise. Yes, there is a mess around you. Now what?
2. Turn Around or Go Back
After stopping and assessing you will need to turn around or go back. In the case of the example, the stuff is everywhere, so the character will need to go around and pick up the stuff.
Go Back and Correct Your Attitude
Sometimes the item was bumped out of our hands, and we may feel the other person or the ‘bumper’ is responsible and owes us. Brewing about their behavior and demanding they change, they pick up the stuff, they apologize. But it would be just as easy to talk honestly and openly and see how to reclaim the item that was bumped away. Without getting worked up unnecessarily.
Dropped or Let Go?
In other moments, we may have dropped the item. But if you dropped it because you also needed to let go of the item, this can be progress. Congratulate yourself. Many of us can struggle at this stage. However, if you dropped the item. Circle back to stopping, assessing, and then going back to pick it up. Pick up where you were up to and then continue.
3. Go Get It
I don’t want to get it, that’s embarrassing! Sure, it might be but think beyond that feeling of embarrassment. Is this an item, a feeling, a moment, a treasure, a person, or a relationship, that is important to you? Will other people judge? Possibly and yes. Should it matter though? No. Other people will always have whatever opinion of you, and generally it shouldn’t matter. Much time is wasted worrying about what other people think. From the words of a psychologist, most people are too wrapped up in their minds thinking about themselves, and are not worried about what you are or are not doing.
So chin up, go get it back – provided it wasn’t hurting you, or abusing you in any way. Step over your stuckness and move forwards, like the kangaroo.
Image by David Clode on Unsplash | Image used to depict kangaroo has gone back to be with its family, baby, group.
Welcome all to another year at Move Fwds. We trust you had a wonderful end to 2024 and enjoyed many festivities. Or perhaps other events took hold and rattled your core, making you wonder if moving forwards is possible. We are providing an overview in this post – prepping you for 2025! With our plans and goals, how you can be part of it and first a mention on what happened to Move Forwards at the end of 2024.
End of 2024
The end of 2024 was a moving one for us, and not in the happy sense. The passing of a beloved family member left a stain days before Christmas, followed by sicknesses and uncertainties. Yet here we stand, acknowledging that as humans, we all endure hardships. It’s how we face them and how we learn from them that develops our character. Which is what we like to teach at Move Fwds.
Self-Discovery to Move Forwards
Image by Denny Müller on Unsplash | Captures new beginnings to move forwards
This year at Move Fwds, we may touch on the traffic series here and there. But also planning to use other analogies to showcase how to move forwards. Some of these may include tools, animals, or even the environment.
Move Forwards and Share How to Get Unstuck
Image by María Gámez on Unsplash | First stuck, then move forwards
We also want to spread Move Fwds with more people and connect with more stories. The heart of Move Fwds was forged in the wells of DV, yet many people become stuck in all stages of life even without major traumatic experiences. We hope to connect with people in their stage of stuckness to help them see another way and move forwards.
Connect with the Move Forwards Motion
We ask that you connect with us on our Facebook page and share our page with others to help grow this space! We know some of you connect from the wide corners of our very square planet! By having a space to connect we will all be on the same page, rather the same book, and that is, the stuck one. The one that won’t pull from the bookcase. We all share our purpose in being stuck. We can each gain from one another. Springboard our ideas on others and find the key to getting unstuck. Sometimes the best way to get out of being stuck is to share your experience and listen to the wisdom of another who’s gone through it.
Share Your Tale with Move Forwards
Image by Rucksack Magazine on Unsplash | Share of Stories in the Rucksack
Also on the note of sharing, we ask for your bravery in storytelling. To share a time, you were stuck and how you overcame the obstacle. We also want to share this feat with you and celebrate it! Not just local heroes anymore, everyone can share their feat, their monumental breakthrough and acknowledge it celebrated! Without stories our history would be quite sad.
Final Mentions to Move Forwards
To share, to talk, to ask, to communicate is a strong force binding us humans together. Let’s enjoy this space and grow it into something life-changing!
Before you head off download your copy of the 2025 Calendar – Tracker! In the FREEBIES section! 🙂
Navigating traffic is much like navigating life, both are two-way streets. In this post you guessed it we’re focusing on the traffic sign of two-way flow. It’s time to move in and find out the purpose of that road sign. Then link it with human behavior and end with suggestions on how to move forward in your life. Let’s see what the two-way flow traffic sign looks like.
Move Forwards | Two-way street sign 2024
Two-Way Traffic Sign Purpose
In Australia, two-way street signs tell drivers that the road is no longer a single-functioning road. It will soon split, and there may only be a double white line holding the two sides of the road apart. Two-way traffic signs are useful for pedestrians to know that traffic may flow from both sides of the road.
Read more about the various two-way Australian road signs here:
In Australia, safety islands are found in the middle of (some) roads for pedestrians who wish to transit from one side of the road to the other. Just because these signs are useful across Australia, will the same information help you elsewhere in the globe?
International Two-Way Street Sign
For America, the sign is very similar in appearance to the Australian sign, and shares meaning. With its yellow background, it presents as a warning sign for road users, alerting changed road conditions. The sign will be placed before the road changes into a two-way street. The reason the sign is added is to also advise drivers they can no longer overtake other road users.
For other regions across the globe, the two-way traffic sign exists but may look different from the black arrows pointing in opposite directions with the yellow kite-shaped background. Some other ways the sign has been produced include the image below.
For a comprehensive overview of changed traffic signs internationally go here: OPTraffic’s different signs by type of region internationally International drivers license includes tips and notes for travellers going abroad what to expect, from road signs down to culture and language. Right2Drive welcome you to Australian road rules and usage Now let’s move into connecting the two-way street with the public domain.
Two-Way Street in Community
Think about the latest visit to your closest city or township. Did the public people generally walk as though there was a going to and coming from direction or flow of traffic? Or did the people walk and move about in random directions?
Unless we are talking about a crowd heading into a football stadium or music event, you may find the crowd is moving quite rationally. Modern-day research based on a mathematic model by Tim Rogers and Karol Bacik tested crowds and public movement to see if any rational decision-making occurred when commuting from place A to B.
The answer is yes. Rational decision-making plays a strong factor when people walk in and amongst crowded pathways. Rogers and Bacik found two paths of flow generally mimicking our two-way street sign flow.
Eventually crowding groups form a pattern or rational structure, as found by mathematicians |2024
Do You Personally Rely on Two-Way Street Flow?
The question now becomes whether you as the individual permit two-way street flow or not. While the two mathematicians above believe human behavior is a rational effort, other factors of human behavior can prove otherwise.
Consider argumentative behavior. How often are the participants approaching the topic from a two-way flow approach? Think of political agendas, debates in health or education, road usage to community buildings, and tourism. When faced with a disagreement with another, do you instinctively apply grace to their different point of view?
This is where two-way street communication may fall short. So, what can you do to fix it?
How to Respectfully Move Forwards Using the Two-Way Street Flow
May the following points be your guide when communicating with others.
• Focus on a key point – eg: You and the other party want to savor a friendship • Show consideration for their opinion, also known as respect • You are not “wrong,” you are being shown a new way to think and grow, thank the other for their insight
Next time you are in a conversation remember you are trying to move forwards as much as they are. This is not a conflict but a shared goal.
Consider sharing this post to others to help you with two-way communication support!
In continue of our traffic series we’ll review the car bubble. The safety of being in the car, and the anonymous value it gives you while moving from place A to B. We’ll cover the power and weakness of this role. Then connect it with why you struggle to move forwards in your life goals. To begin, what do we mean by the ‘car bubble’.
The Car Bubble
This is a term coined together for this article. The car bubble refers to the safety of sitting inside a car with tinted windows and the inability of others to recognize you. Yes, each of us has a unique and obvious code known as the number plate. And some may prefer to have license plates tailored to individual flare. But once a driver enters a car and is protected by their darkened windows a sense of anonymity overrules.
What Happens When People Feel Anonymous?
Philip Zimbardo, a famous psychologist for prison research and the power of human behavior in social dynamics. He found a direct link between people who feel anonymous and abusive behavior. Read more about the study and its research here.
From this base study, more research has found that anonymity has a significant impact on online scenarios. Whereby “trolls” of the internet thrive on power and abusive conduct. Which can lead some to feel very powerful.
The Power of Feeling Anonymous
Connecting to our car bubble term, research undertaken by Shell, in Australia, explains how drivers feel unseen by others and can behave however they want. Whether that means politely following the rules or allowing emotions to override through road rage. Shell and Monash University’s Accident Research Centre found strong evidence showing how people who feel safe and hidden in their car, will enable their feelings toward other road users. It is the people are most likely to feel:
Blamed
Angry or Aggressive
Or to get even
While some drivers may jump into cars ready on the attack, others may feel reluctant to drive and feel the weakness of anonymity.
The Weakness of Feeling Anonymous
The E-safety Commission as part of the Australian Government has researched the negative effects of anonymity and victims. Due to privacy laws and the safety of identity, the attackers in anonymous places can be hard to track down. This can leave victims feeling unaddressed, fearful, and scared.
While the victims of road rage have not been researched and addressed an assumption from the E-commerce and internet results could prove similar in traffic situations.
Road rage victims often are supported by the safety of Police, who govern road safety. There are often cameras that can be relied upon and the best information is from the victim to report the incident. In this case, thankful to the personal identification plates road users much have, tracking down the aggressed can happen.
We hope anyone who has incurred any level of abuse on the roads speak up about it!
Reporting Road Rage Can Give You New Power
Perhaps this story can help.
On a visit to see my mother, she was very rattled and annoyed by another car user putting her life in danger. It was upsetting to see her in this state and I know she is the type of person to take the attack so personally that it would impact her wanting to use the road again. I encouraged her to speak up about the incident to the local police. She felt very uncertain that it would do any good. I asked her to give me a moment-by-moment scene of what happened, as I jotted the information down. Thankfully she was able to recall road names the incident happened on and the appearance of the car which drove frantically. Then on her behalf, I lodge the information to the police. Now generally don’t expect to hear anything back from the Police. You’ve done your part to reporting, it is on them to find these people.
However, I did hear something back via email. Where the information provided about the road incident has assisted the police in finding the perpetrator who was wanted under additional offences.
It was nice to receive this feedback and feel that I not only assisted my mother in making the situation right. But we helped the Police to find a troubled person!
Anonymity Is Working Against Your Goals
In all of this many road users feel powerful on the road because they are unseen.
When we go through life with the mentality of “I can do what I want because I am not seen” it pulls us into a hole for in reality you are seen. You have responsibilities. You can make choices that can impact your reputation, career, family, or other factors. This can cause a stuck mentality.
But you don’t let it win.
Realise your strength, your value and your importance.
There are many traits about you that the world deserves to know and hear about.
Let yourself shine. Be that random glossy pink car because you choose to stand out of the crowd and move forwards!
Welcome to another week of navigating and connecting road life with your own life. This week is a focus on behavior linked to the Road Safety Week in Australia Queensland last fortnight. We learned Road Safety Week globally is held in May. And, safety plays a vital role in how to move forwards.
To give you a heads up, yep – flash those yellow lights to alert you something is up ahead! This post will reflect on the importance of road safety and what that means individually. Then connecting to your own behavior, how often do you take a personal ‘human behavior management week’? And we’ll explain some tips for you to consider as you move fwds!
Road Safety Reflection
Last fortnight we discovered road safety started when Peter Frazer put a group together after the death of his daughter Sarah, who unfortunately died in an unavoidable crash with a truck, on a New South Wales Highway.
This is powerful let’s unpack that sentence for a moment.
Peter was already working in the field of road safety, and policy and helping drivers like you and I get from point A to point B – alive. Then one dreaded day, his daughter had an unmissable and fatal collision with a truck. Now, only when Sarah has passed away, does Peter use the skills his been gaining from the field to make a large-scale point. First on a State level, then National then Globally. And what an impact!
Peter has connected with the World Health Organization (WHO) on this deeply important matter of road safety. But this all happened only ONCE he lost his daughter.
Sitting on Treasure
I wonder how many of us are sitting on a gold mine of skills and treasures, that we perhaps overlook? Or maybe you feel it would be inappropriate to use the skills that you naturally claim because it’s too simple? Or maybe you don’t know how to use the skills that come naturally to you. (You need to focus on your strengths! Check out strengths-based therapy!) Maybe, some of us are too afraid to use our natural skills because what if something happens?
Fear and Moving Fwds
My past is sprinkled with psychological DV. I am beyond terrified of the abuser and hope to God, that I never see him again. Although I managed to get this site: Move Fwds up and running I’ve been doing this scared! Really! Only recently have I managed to branch out. For instance – you can now catch up with us on Facebook! This is huge for me because my brain reminds me of all the horrible what-ifs. But what if I let him win, by making my life that of a hermit or recluse? I don’t want that. I want to be fully free and share my story with others to help stop the cycles of DV and similar patterns. So, for me, the only way to move forwards is to do what I’m petrified to do.
Opportunity and Moving Fwds
Similar but different. Peter had the skills and talent to do something for the roads – and quite possibly he was thinking and hoping of doing something greater. But the part missing was the heartfelt story, the purpose. This brings us to Human Behavior Week.
Human Behavior Week
This is not a thing at present. Except for those in psych 101 classes or similar learning about human behavior. Image a Human Behavior Week – where everyone can express themselves at their core. No hiding behind facades and masks. A week that starts with the individual – you. The more of us who decide to make a change the greater the current and move will be.
There are many awareness programs, initiatives, and learning weeks to showcase glimpses of this. Such as:
Harmony Day – March 21
World Autism Day – April 2
Anti-bullying Awareness Week – 12 – 16 August
R U Ok Day – held every 2nd Thursday in September
Kindness Day – November 13
Plus, many, many more! Check out this resource to find more events near you!
Humans are Multiscale Complex
As you can see from that list, there’s no one day fits all. We are all so very different and unique and that’s great. The only catch is, what is appropriate to one may not be appropriate to another. How to combat this? Tips like communicating, respect, and empathy are great.
Communicate, talk and ask
Communicating includes so many aspects. Yes you get to talk, but you also get to listen. And not just listen, you get the chance to hear another person. Feel their story, experience what they experienced, share their moment. You get to ask more, and find out more. To communicate with another is truly a remarkable experience and should be cherished and treasured.
Spell out that Respect!
Deep down we all crave respect. However, we respect differently. What I class as a respect, others may not give two blinks about. To learn how to effectively respect those around you, ask what they like or don’t like. Ask to know their boundaries. Asking shows you respect those around you want to behave “properly” around them.
I Got an Ear out for Empathy
If only we all had an ear out for empathy. Not an ear out to listen when the other has finished speaking. Rather an ear out to be in the moment.
Flip the Script on its Head
The above quote is often used to showcase the irresponsibility of humankind, but let’s flip that script on its head and rewrite the scenario.
“No one raindrop ever thought it was responsible for the flood.” – said John Ruskin.
But your one movement to do better, can motivate, inspire, and charge up another to also make changes in their life. It becomes a magnetized effect. Where soon all those water drops are coming together to realize they are in fact the flood – a movement for good. Just like this image >>>
Ask Yourself
Should there be a Human Safety Week?
A week to bring many awarenesses together and people, culture, humanity?
Do Something
Move Fwds is now on Facebook, connect with us here: and as we are a fresh page, please request 3 of your friends to connect with us. We are keen to showcase moments where you – yes you, or anyone have done something to move forwards. You and your effort should be showcased and celebrated!
Challenge Yourself
What gold mine are you sitting on with your skills, your knowledge, your expertise, or your field of expertise? What do you have to push humanity in a positive direction forward?
